Swing from the shoulder of your soul

I finally saw Ong-Bak last night, something I've been meaning to watch for a long time. It was good, that guy was really liked throwing elbows. I also saw The Big Lebowskie all the way through for the first time. I've seen most of the movie before, but never all at once, so that was also plesant. I don't really have a whole lot to blog about right now, I'm just trying to kickstart my brain because I have a lot of homework I havn't gotten around too this weekend and it is time to do that shit. I woke up this morning after having a dream that WWIII had started in Iraq and that this model chick I have a bunch of pictures of on my computer was the mascot for it and I got jealous because I wanted to keep her all to myself. Even though I knew she wasn't ever mine, but still. Its weird to get jealous of shit in your dreams, especially when its something that you have no right to be jealous about. When I woke up I had a Common Rider song going through my head and that is what I listen to know. They are really, really good. I heard them first on one of those punk compilation albums that I used to buy from hot topic. You should check them out if you havn't heard them before.
I was working on a short story and I got right up to the end and realized that I had no idea what the fuck I was thinking when I started that story. There's a whole page of the story devoted to one of the characters talking about zombies and I was reading it over and thinking "why the fuck did I put this in this story?" I wrote something insane recently, I called it experimental literature. I sort of thought it worked, but I guess it didn't, at least according to my professor. He sort of went on this weird tirade in class before he handed back the story. He kept bringing up other peoples stories and talking about them, then he'd look over at me and without mentioning me by name would say something like "And then there are those of you that I still think have talent and I'm not giving up on, even though they copped out for this assignment." No one in there probably knew he was talking about me except for him and me. I've had that professor before, he's read my stories before, worked on them with me, thats how I know he was talking about me. but whatever, i wasn't that upset, a little embarresed, but not too bad. Whenever I freewrite shit it always gets super insane, its really weird, even to me, but I just let the freewriting go and I end up with something kind of funny but that I can't really turn into anything else. I tried to turn one of those into something else, something better, and I ended up with something decidedly bad. Oh well, I'm not going to get better unless I try new things.
Whenever classes are in session I always think that, this time, I'm going to meet a nice girl in one of those classes and we are going to hit it off and maybe I'll get even more than one date out of the deal. But then everytime I end up not meeting someone, or screwing it up, or not asking out the girl, or at least the right girl. Or I'll spend time working on one of them only to realize that they are wearing a wedding ring. This time in classes I havn't even bothered, I've pretty much given up all hope of actually being able to forge an actual human connection with a girl anymore. I used to try, really I did, but I'm just so crapy at getting to know people and keeping in touch with them. I don't really think that I am designed for relationships anymore. maybe i never was. sometimes I'll think about how it would be really easy for me if I wanted to become a monk or a priest or someone that had to swear off inter-gendered relations. I mean, I'm so bad at starting those relationships up that if I said "i can't do that because of god or buddah or batman or whoever" it'd kind of be good for me in a way. its like, no longer am i bad at it I just can't do it. which plays to my weakness, turning it to a strength. of course, don't misread this, i'm not planning on doing anything like that. i just think that giving up on the concept of relationships would be the easiest part of any transfer to a life like that.
speaking of monks, when we watched Ong-Bak last night I made the comment that the monks that learn all the martial arts are the best (coolest) types of monks. but then I got to thinking that I like the ones that brew a lot of beer too. Its really a toss up between those two groups which is the coolest. because even the ones that learn to fight aren't really supposed to fight anyway, so its not like they're all running around like in the movies fighting and looking cool. the beer making ones would be the group I would have to go to if I were to go to a group, mostly because I don't think I could make it as a kick-ass monk, but I could definatly make it as a beer drinking monk.
I guess I should get started on my homework now. Only two more weeks of school, which sounds cool but it means that I have a lot of shit to do before that time is up. I have four books to read, one big paper to write, one presentation, and a couple of tests to think about, not to mention that I have reading responses due back tommorow for one class. Summer classes go by crazy fast.