Clinton getting pissy

I have the news on in the background watching Hilary bitching about Obama. Goddamn, this is just the proof the media has been waiting for, I think. They all kind of seemed to think she was sort of a bitch. Or maybe that was just me projecting onto the pundits.

I'm already getting sort of sick of this job. Well, really sick of it. I really don't like working in a restaurant, but I'm sort of stuck for the moment. No other money coming in. Also, there really isn't a whole hell of a lot that I'm doing these days. I hardly ever see anyone that I don't work with anymore. I try to get out of the house from time to time. But there just isn't a whole lot to grab my attention in Fallon these days.

I've been fairly depressed lately. A big part of that is that I'm not sure what I've got to look forward to in my life. Part of me wants to go back to school and get a masters. Part of me wants to try to start my own business. Part of me just wants to get an idea and stay focused on it and write a book and try to get it published. The biggest problem for that last plan is that when I'm depressed I can't write. I can't focus, and I just don't have the motivation. I write a lot when I'm feeling good. And I think about my life and think that there is some good fodder for stories building up that I can work with when I'm ready.

I asked this girl I work with out on Friday and she said maybe. So I figured I'd give it a couple of days and ask again, but now I feel so awkward around her that I can barely talk about anything. Its really frustrating because she'll be standing there and I'll be joking around with this other girl and I can't think of a damn thing to say to her. The other girl is married and a bit of a nerd so I feel pretty comfortable talking with her. No need to impress her and I can be a dork and it doesn't matter. But the girl I want to go out with I have no goddamn idea what to say to. I suck at this. And I really like this girl too.

I do well with unavailable girls. And this problem is compounded because as I said I don't really have much a social life, so I don't meet many girls and thus don't have many options. And I'm sort of banking on getting into a relationship to try to pull me out of this rut I'm in. The more I want something the worse I am at going for it. Maybe I get afraid of making a misstep. Or maybe I just don't want to get my hopes up and the best way to do that is to do nothing and just hope it will work out.

Going back to something I mentioned earlier, I think I found the building I would want to get if I were to start a business. It's on Richards St., right behind the old JCPenny's that also used to be 88cent/Next Dimension. I forget what was in there before. Anyway, its just off Maine street and really run down and there has been a for lease sign on it for a couple of months at least, so I figure I could get a pretty good deal on it. The only problem being what I would want to sell. I was thinking maybe a sort of mini-Borders minus the music section as I don't think cd sales are going to go up anytime soon. But books, dvds, magazines, maybe a decent used section and, at least so long as I still have them left, the comics my dad got me. And a coffee bar. Maybe. If I could find someone else to run that part of it most of the time so I didn't have to make coffee for people ever. Actually the more I think and talk about this idea the better it sounds. I already know at least one person I'd want to hire to manage the place. Someone I work with at the Wok who I get along with and who seems to be really, really detail oriented. Anal, one might say. But not uptight, so that seems like someone that would be perfect to oversee things coming in and going out and all that crap. Not that I wouldn't still have to be in charge of that stuff, but someone that could prepare the paperwork and do it right and someone I could trust and would probably work pretty cheap, at least until I started making money, is perfect.

Actually, I like this idea a lot. If I can find my way out of this little rut I'm in right now and get this idea out of my head and onto paper, in some sort of business proposal, I just might be able to get a loan for it. I mean, there isn't a bookstore in fallon right now. I'm just not sure if its really something that is going to make money. People still read, right? If I make it like half used half new I might have a bigger profit margin. Maybe. Fuck, I don't know. I still like the idea. Maybe you will hear more about this in a few days/weeks. Maybe.