Power nap

When I graduated I felt like things would magically work themselves out for me within a couple of months. It's almost been a year already. I remember about a year and a half before I graduated I was working in Pizza Plus and this application came in for someone who had a duel major in Philosophy and English and I chuckled because he was applying at a pizza place. I think I've more than made up for that chuckle at his expense now. I've also learned why it is that people with arts degrees don't find great jobs. I always kind of thought they did. Somehow. I just assumed there was this huge market available to the 25% of people in this country that graduate college and there were fantastic jobs around every corner. Now I'm getting the idea that there are only jobs for about 50% of those graduates. The rest of us come out of a life long dedication to education to find the world doesn't think we have any real qualifications. I suppose they might be right in that. They could say, 'hey, at least we know they can learn and accomplish something fairly major. Lets get them some jobs.' But they don't. They just want the people who can work at their peak in a pre-established system. Those of us they see as wanting to do things our own way, even if our way is better, are not good employees. I don't mean this as a stab at anyone, just that there is a difference in the way people approach the world. Some people work well in closed systems. Other people don't. The problem is if you don't you end up being kind of screwed until you can make your own path. Which is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

I've lasted a lot longer than I thought I would at my job now. Its a shitty job with shitty hours and shitty pay. And yet here I am, three months in. I just have had to suck it up and deal with it because I have a feeling there is something in it for me. I stayed in Fallon because I had a feeling that there was something for me here. I've stayed at this job to be able to afford to stay in fallon with that same hope. Maybe there isn't. Maybe there never was. To be honest I felt like I was going to meet a woman here. I don't know why. Desire. Optimism. Just a hunch, really. So far that hasn't happened. Though I am starting to feel more confident about asking girls out. I just struggle to meet ones that aren't already taken. Or, well, undereducated, poor, substance abusers with children (read:white trash). Ahh, Fallon.

Whats more to it I suppose is that I just feel connected to this place. As much as I hate it at times, I did grow up here. Born here. In a book put out a couple years ago about Fallon's history there is a picture of my Great, Great Grandma Thorton on the first page.

I'm not sure what is going to happen with me as far as life goes. Right now I am applying to become a Deputy at the Sheriff department. I was planning on, still am planning on really, going back to school. But that can wait. The bookstore was a great idea that just wasn't feasible for me right now. So instead I am going to go ahead and try to do that. It might work out. It might not. I have no idea. I have a feeling it might work out, though. Mostly because I really don't want to do it but I'm doing it anyway. Its usually situations I feel like I have to do rather then want to do that work out for me. As if my mere desire for something is enough of a factor to disqualify me from ever getting it. But we shall see. A few more weeks should tell on this.

In the meantime I am going to try to get into shape and start taking some martial arts classes since that is one of the few physical activities I enjoy doing. I think I'll try to pick up Judo again. I did it for a bit before I dropped out of college for a half a year and I was enjoying it. I just never ended up going back to it while at UNR. And maybe some Karate or something as well. Learn how to punch a guy so hard his nose goes up into his brain. That could be entertaining.