Comfort Eagle

My new website is up, Tin-God.com. I'm trying to fill it with less personal stuff and more random other stuff, so I'll still be using this blog from time to time when I feel like posting stuff that is a little closer to my heart.

Tanner just moved out. I thought I would enjoy having the place to myself again, but it just isn't the same. Everything seems so big and empty. It took me a while to get used to having a roommate, but when I finally did it was actually kind of nice having someone else around. I suppose I'll probably need to go out looking for someone else at some point. Although I am sort of hoping that instead of that I can actually find myself a girlfriend that would come around often enough for me to not feel so lonely in this apartment.

I had to turn down an opportunity to live with someone else that I probably would have gotten along with pretty well. The problem was that she was a girl that I had had quite a crush on for a while. I figured out that it was never going anywhere and thought that it was fine, but thinking about actually living with her made me realize that there was no way I could actually deal with her being around all the time. Especially considering that she is still dating some guy.

There was a sort of silver lining in that I made myself feel bad enough about going back and forth on moving in with her that I had to tell her the actual reason for me not wanting to move in. I say that is a silver lining because there were a couple of times after a couple of beers that I almost emailed her confessing my feelings just because I really wanted to get that off my chest so I could move on. I don't know how she took the news. I assume that she already knew, or at least had an inclination that there was some of that going on, but it is one thing to think something and another thing to read it on an email and know for sure.

Whatever, it was one of a line of hopeless romances that I sort of pursued over the years. Every once in a while there comes a girl I become friends with but develop feelings for. I always end up having to pull back from being their friend at some point even though I actually enjoy hanging out with them in a platonic way. It isn't like I spent all my time with them, just a few hours a week usually, but it always got to be too much. I guess I suppress a lot of emotions.

I don't really know why I am writing this all out here. I've just been off my beat the last few days. The last week really. I think it's my mom. I found out last week she had more tumors growing. She's had breast cancer and a brain tumor. Now she has them growing in her liver. I'm trying to take it in stride, but at a certain point it becomes hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel when this shit just keeps coming back. She gets better just long enough to get back to her normal life and then shit happens again. It's really starting to get me down.

Anyway, that is it for now. Take her easy internet folks.