Christmas at Ground Zero

Right now I am listening to metal versions of christmas songs. Including such classics as "Silent Night (Rocks!)" and "Another Rock and Roll Christmas." Normally I stay away from christmas. I was really planning on doing the same thing this year, but I don't know. Last year I remember I took my last final of the semester and as I walked back to my car I felt a little light headed. By the time I got up the stairs to my apartment I was so dizzy I could barely stand up. It was about five pm and I walked in my room, fell onto my bed and slept for the next fourteen hours. I awoke feeling refreshed, not entirely, but enough to drive to fallon, where I was attending my mothers cancer surgery the next morning. We got her home after the surgery and I slept for another ten hours, waking up and trying to help my sister with my mom other things that had to be done. I was driving around town smoking as fast as I could and blasting "All Around the World" by ATC and pretending not to be sick since my mom was really the one that was sick. And she had to go back in for another surgery and I sat in the waiting room playing rummy with my dad and sister. As soon as the surgeon came in, who, by the way, looks and acts a helluva lot like The Todd on Scrubs, and let us know my mom was okay I went in and visited, then my sister went in to say hi and I got in my car and drove home, where I ended up in bed for the next week. I don't really remember christmas last year. I remember sitting by a tree and handing presents that to my family that I had unceromoniously drapped wrapping paper on since I was too tired to wrap them. I remember that as my family ate traditional christmas foods I stuggled to get down a couple of swedish fish, which by the way are not that tasty when you have to swallow them without chewing because when they get stuck to your teeth you don't have the energy to get them off. And then I slept. And I slept. And somewhere around the 29th I got up and walked downstairs and saw my mom up and around and gave her a hug and told her I was going out for a couple of hours. And I drove around listening to ATC and smoking as fast as I could and thanking christ that christmas was only once a year.

So I suppose the reason I'm not really dreading christmas this year is because I did miss it last year. But I don't know. When I was battling with the forces of christians and trying desperately to seperate myself from them I saw christmas not only as something I didn't want any part of because of the religious conotations, but I also used it as a focul point for what I saw as everything that was wrong with their religion. The pure marketing, the shop till you drop, the only time in the year when people are nice to poor people. I remember reading an article around that time that said that people were actually bitching at soup kitchens because the kitchens wouldn't let them volunteer on thanksgiving because they had too many people signed up already, and the kitchens suggestion that they come by almost any other day of the year to help out. People didn't like that idea. The point is, there is a lot wrong with the religious part of the holiday, but according to some people jesus was born in july and the only reason we celebrate it in december is because it was the big pagen, or whatever they were called, druids maybe, celebration time. So they just changed the name and said it was about christ now and to deal with it. Now I suppose thats what I'm doing. I'm just going to celebrate it and forget about the reasons other people are celebrating it and they can deal with it and I can deal with it and everyone can deal with everyhing.

This Metal Christmas album isn't very good. I was browsing around the torrents today and I came across an album called "Impeach My Bush" and the band name sounded familiar to me and I knew I had at least one or two of their songs and I downloaded it and forgot about it till it was done then threw it on and in the first song this fake gangster-rapping female voice is talking about how sex is awesome and if they don't like it they can "Impeach My Bush." Well, the genius of this, and believe me, you have no way of seeing this coming, the amazing thing was that at one point near the end of the 49 second song, they cut out the "My" so she was saying "Impeach Bush!" I tell you, I never saw that coming, no sir. Of course, after that 49 seconds of confusion I looked down the list to see what other songs of theirs I had and I remembered suddenly why the band Peaches sounded so familiar. "Suckin' on my titties like you wanted me, calling me all the time... What else is in the Teaches of Peaches? Huh? What?"

You know, its pretty popular to dis the president these days, and I'm all for that, but at the same time I'm wondering what the fuck is wrong with people? Honestly, he's doing the exact same thing now that he's been doing since the beginning and its only now that its getting popular to not like him? Right after 9/11 I checked some of my favorite Bush bashing sites and most of them said "this site has been taken down out of respect for blahdeeblah." I don't know how those sentances ended, I stopped reading after took down. But I was telling the computer not to do that to me. I was telling it "this is the time when we need to be most mocking Bush!" Because I knew, and I was 17 and I hadn't been paying any attention to politics for more than a year at that point, but I knew that it was going to be more important to keep the government in check back then than it would be later. Shit, if people were as pissed off at him for not preventing it instead of stanind behind him then we wouldn't be in the mess were in now, and with any luck neither kerry nor bush would be in the white house right now. But I'm as much to blame as anyone else, I suppose. I didn't start an anti-bush campaign at the time. Of course, had I done it it wouldn't have matter because no one would have been paying attention to it. Unless I really pissed people off with it and then it became a big controversy. Okay, so I should have done something back then, and it may have made a difference. And it may not, but I won't know now so all I can do is bitch. Of course, if I as a high school student with no real background in politics or journalism, and no national forum (other than the internet) to go after the leader of the most powerful nation in the world, had little chance of doing anything. But if CNN, if NBC, if all those other fuckers had been questioning him then like they were supposed to be because the media is supposed to act as a watchdog for the government then we could have stopped the Iraq invasion before it began. Fuck, on bush's watch thousands of people are killed in two of the nations biggest financial symbols and everyone lines up behind him? What is with that? Seriously, what is with that? Because it doesn't make a lot of sense. Listen, if I were in charge of graveyard security at a mall and someone drilled a whole through the wall and walked into Macy's and stole thousands of dollars worth of jewels or something people wouldn't be saying "we need to stand behind this security guard in these confusing times." Yeah, I'd be fired, or suspended, or otherwise penalized. I certainly wouldn't have the highest approval rating of my career right after it happened. God, sometimes I wonder if we humans even understand the concept of democracy. Maybe we are just followers. Something bad happens and we hide behind the guy who has the most guns. Makes sense, but it doesn't really help to create a good society.

Thinking back on where this blog started and where that last paragraph ended I realize that I'm only a few cliches away from having an Ultimate Blog. Lets see, I've already got a holiday story (which also counts as current events right now), a family sickness, a personal sickness, a political rant, and a discussion of new music. What am I missing?

So there is this girl... okay, I'm too tired to go much further with this blog joke right now to really go for the whole "girl lamenting" section. Plus, I can't really have the Ultimate Blog without talking about suicide and how I was totally snubbed at the movies by Beccy even though she was with my ex and, oh my god, did you see what she was wearing? I could have died! Oh, I know, bleh! etc. Also I need to add more :)'s. Or maybe some *<8-} (clown!). Okay, thats enough.