Taste the Happy

I want to get a suit. I don't know if I'd wear it, or when I would, but since I was in high school I've wanted a plain black suit. Something like the Blues Brothers suits. I was watching something with a guy in a plain suit and thinking how cool it would be to get one of those. One day I went into a suit store and tried one on. I couldn't afford it though. The reason I want one is because its just so simple. Black and white, narrow tie, nothing fancy, no frills, but it still looks good on almost anyone that wears it. I like things being simple.

I am tentatively happy right now. Things tend to be looking up. A hint of a more optomistic time is in the air. Many times I think of myself as the type of person that is always looking at the downside, cynically thinking about the way things are going to be. But at my core I've always been insanely optomistic. There are more times than I care to recount when I've thought that everything was going to work out just fine. The real problem is that I think that all the time and then things do work out. As much as I want to become a pessimist I just can't make myself do it. Stupid life's been too good to me. I don't know whats wrong with me. I think I have some sort of romantic idea of being some cynic but in reality I'm completely the opposite. Maybe I think of the people who are always happy as crazy people. But things go my way when I need them to, and it makes me all the happier.

For some reason almost every Monday night I make coffee or drink three times the amount of soda I normally do even though I know that I have to go to bed early so that I can get up at some ungodly hour. And tonight was no exception. So I'm sitting here, already knowing that I have to be up in six hours and also knowing that I probably won't go to bed for another hour or two. I can understand morning people, they get up and get going and have the whole day ahead of them to do what makes them happy. But my best times in life are late at night. Theres a calm in the world at night that doesn't exist in the day. Its just a quiet, easy feeling. My mind wanders, I feel more like myself. I figure morning people must have times like this during the day, finding that calm in the hecticness of everything. And so I can understand not getting someone like me who likes the night. But then I wonder if we aren't just different breeds, morning people and night people. I wonder if people who enjoy the day ever really feel that same calmness that I'm feeling. That same sense of oneness with the world around them. I never really feel right unless I'm thinking abstractly about something or another, unless I can't think a sentance all the way through to the end. Even as I'm writing I'm just writing whatever the next word is, I really don't know half the time what I'm talking about, and if I try to stop and think about it I can't really keep my thoughts together and I have to start over because I won't know what I was talking about in the first place.

A song just came on my playlist that I've heard probably dozens of times over the years and I just realized that I have no idea who its by, I have no idea where it came from, and I have no idea what language its in. I think its French. I don't know though. The name of the file is just gibberish, and I don't mean its something I can't understand because its in another language I mean its gibberish. Someone playing with character map. Every letter has an umlat or an accent on it. I never really thought about how very strange it is that someone would name something like that. I don't think its French anymore. I don't know what it is. I don't think its French though.

I'm kind of fading now. It's probably for the best for me to try to get some sleep. What I hate more than anything though is laying in bed for hours and not being able to get to sleep. I hate that feeling. Thats another thing I like, not worring about going to bed at the same time everynight. If you have to get up early you have to go to bed at a certain time, but if you don't have anything to do till the afternoon you can just go to bed when it suits you to go to bed. Speaking of suits, I want a plain black one.