This thing must be

I hate the near end of the semester. Usually by this time I've been mentally checked out for over a month and I have more crap that I have to get done than at any other point in the semester. The real pisser is when you get to that point at the end and look at everything you have left to do and you remember that you have had many of the assignments since the beginning of the semester, and the putting of them off has finally caught up with you. Like a bastard child, it always seems to find you at the worst point in your life.

Josh recommended Trans-Siberian Orchastra to me after my last post, and I'm listening to them now, and I have to say, I really am enjoying them, especailly "Mephistopheles' Return," which I am listening to now. They sort of remind me of Tenacious D, just because of that bravado and passion for something that you can tell they are just having a really good time with. It makes me smile.

I've been thinking about why I havn't had a girlfriend for so long and I got to thinking about the nature of myself and of relationships. I've become such a loner since I've gone to college, and really the seeds of lonerdom where there long before college, going back even to elementary school. But now I just don't see people as often as I used to and it makes me notice how much more time I am spending by myself. It occured to me that the reason I may not have a girlfriend was, well, the obvious not sociallizing with people, but more than that it has more to do with me never really being properly socialized. I'm kind of like a dog that was raised on the streets for the first couple years of its life then sent to live with a nice family. Even though I can adapt to the nice home environment, I still shy away from people and hide when company comes over. The dog in me still senses danger when there isn't any. I don't know, my family is a bit strange, I don't think any of us really knows any of the others. Were all isolated, and I think I picked up on that at a young age and just stayed away from lots of people, learned to be comfortable around myself. It creates problems for me when I do have problems because even though I've been trying to work on asking people to help me with my problems, I still have a very closed off nature to my emotions. I see another dog running around the neighborhood and instead of running and playing with it I hide in a closet because it might kill me over some kibble. It sounds ridiculous, and people would probably just say get over it, but its hard to fight your nature. Ironically, the reason that whenever I post a blog I'm always talking about my emotional states is because I'm trying to get more comfortable with putting myself out there. I think I've mentioned it before on here, but these blogs are more for theoropy than they are for entertainment. I hope they can be enjoyable to read, but I understand that they probably seem a little dull and repedative most of the time. Whatever, it makes me feel better about myself and more comfortable around other people so a little bit of a dull post is just something you'll have to suffer through.


I was talking to my mom yesterday and she knows I hate wal-mart and she confesses to me when she shops at wal-mart. I'm slowly getting her to stop shopping there, and tell her all my anti-wal-mart facts whenever I have a chance. But last sunday I was up in Truckee for a dinner and a study group and the lady that lived there was talking about how hard the town has fought corporate interests trying to come into the town. and how successful they have been. They had all the business people in town fighting banded together against the places coming in and they have been winning and keeping Truckee unique and local. And I realized how much I really miss independant towns. Going to fallon the first thing you see now is the wal-mart, then you pass fast food resturants and walgreens and all that other crap, and the quant little town that was fallon is now just like every other town in the world, taken over by the same shops as every other town. It makes me really sad to not see the diversity that I once could have seen going from town to town. I try to shop independant whenever I can, but my main purchases are gas, groceries, and the books. I get the books at Sundance, but where can I get groceries thats independant in reno, I ask you? And gas? there are probably independant gas stations, but even then they are just selling corporate gas. I don't know, its frusterating. Its already at a point where every town looks almost identical, and pretty soon we are just going to have one uniform city, and everywhere we go it will be exactly the same. I need to start a coallation to retake the US in the name of independance and individuality.