These Things I (don't) Know

If I were to post an ad for the job I currently have, it would probably be something along the lines of:

Responsibilities:

You will have to show up and sit at your desk. Loan your co-worker a lighter when they need one, chat with the receptionist about things and realize that she is probably a Scientologist, attempt not to stare at the paralegals ass every single time she walks out of her office.

Occasionally people will ask you how things are going with your work. It is important that you lie to maintain the illusion of the status quo.

It doesn't really matter, ultimately, if you show up or not. Just call in to let people know when you aren't showing up.

Qualifications:

...I'm afraid I don't understand the question.

Compensation:

Let's just say it matches the amount of work we expect out of you.

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I've become the worst employee I could ever see myself being. I think that there was a veiled insinuation that it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if I quit. This coming from my boss. Today. There was more context than just "you don't do shit around here," but it's clear that I'll likely soon be overstaying my welcome. At least that's what I chose to read into it, as I want to quit.

Impulsively I decide that I am going to quit shaving. Let us see how long it takes them to say something about it.

I need to learn to play the guitar again. I want to start a Traveling Wilbury's tribute band. And I want to be lead singer. Hopefully the guitar duties will be light, but I should at least be able to pound out a few of their songs. I should also finally finish learning "Classical Gas," as I think that being able to play that song on a guitar will get me laid. It isn't the sexiest song, but it looks damn sexy when it's played.

This blog post is random and, probably, pointless. You should thank me for writing it for you. Just for you.

I applied to get a job writing romantic/sultry fantasy fiction today. I'll be sure to let you know how that works out. I think that I will use "Saul Garret" as a pen name. Although I might use two t's... Garrett. I don't know.

It is time for House, so I must away.