Battlefield Girth

There is an art to finding a new bar. Bars are a dime a dozen, and there are probably quite a few in your area (check local listings!). But you can't just go to a bar. I know that TV would have us believe that if you are totally cool you can just wander into any bar and be the hit of that shit. However, it takes a little patience and perseverance. First you must find a bar close enough that you can walk home from, and then you must find one that caters to your needs, whatever those might be.

Once you find the right place, it is a matter of going there on a regular basis. It has to be at least once a week at first, and that is if you are going on the same night each week. It helps if you wear basically the same thing, as well, and order the same (or basically the same) drinks every time you go in as well. You are trying to reinforce yourself to the other people there and especially to the bartender.

That is why you have to go in on the same nights. Once you are in with the bartender you are in with the bar. This takes time, as most bartenders, in my experience, are somewhat evasive about talking to people they don't recognize. The stereotype is that all bartenders are there to chat with as many customers as possible, but that just isn't how it works. They chat with the people they know, they avoid the first timers that could very well be there because of some trauma they just suffered and want to find a place they can drink and talk about their issues. Bartenders don't really care any more than anyone else about your problems. I'm sorry, but its true. If you are truly a social person you can get in with the bartender on the first visit, but it could be a fairly tenuous In. They might be being nice to you, but they don't really know you, and they don't honestly give a fuck if you come back in. Trying to establish yourself at a new bar is like starting any new relationship. You can't just throw yourself into it, people need time to adjust to you being there.

My technique is to say very little on the first visit. Just sit and try not to look too pissed off for a little while. On the next trip, the bartender will recognize you and start warming up. On the third, they realize you might become a regular and they will be fairly nice to you. After that it can be a crap shoot, but if you keep going you will find yourself on friendly terms with the bartender and, subsequently, everyone else in the bar.

There is great fun to be had once you are part of a particular bars community. Once you start to get to know the people that come in, you will start to get to know everyone. And once you do that, you will find that you have more friends than you can handle whenever you go in.

I think that a lot of people think that people that go to the same bar over and over are either just alcoholics or are desperate to get laid. That isn't always the case, though. Sometimes they are looking for a sense of community with people that live relatively close to where they live. In a city like Reno that is hard to find. It's big enough that we don't bother to get to know our neighbors because they aren't really important to our lives. If you aren't religious a bar is really the only place you can go to meet people and socialize in a friendly environment. But they don't just welcome you right away. You have to earn it. Otherwise you are just a random dude that wandered in that once time.

The reason I bring this up is because there is a bar I've been to a couple of times now that I think I might want to try to make my regular tavern ("You said Tavern! I'm going to Moe's!"). I think that it could work out, but I need to follow my own rules and take it slow and get myself incorporated there. Everyone else seemed to know each other, so I figure that it is a strong community spot. And the bartender was hot enough to look at but not smoking hot, which means that I'll be nice to her but I probably won't start hitting on her after two beers. That is another important part to the whole integration scheme. You have to like the bartender, but you can't like-like the bartender, because then shit gets weird quick.