He Never Seems to Ash

Posting to my blog almost seems like a waste of time anymore. Not because I don't enjoy it, but because I feel like if I am writing something to post online I should be doing it for my site. But some posts just don't feel appropriate for the style that I am going for on my site.

Tonight I started working at Bully's. I don't really know how that happened. I sort of just showed up and said I wanted the job and they said sure. There was more paperwork involved, but that was the gist of it.

It's only two nights a week, which gives me plenty of time to fuck around with writing. I should probably keep looking for another job. I'd love to keep doing the freelance thing but I just haven't been making enough of it because I really don't go after many jobs anymore. I'd love to be able to make a little money off of my website and then make some money/fame writing for Cracked. If I can get to the "veteran writer" status on Cracked I can make a lot of money per article. I figure each article is about 25 hours worth of work, including research, so it would still work out to less then minimum wage, but sitting on my computer looking up shit on the internet and then writing fart jokes about it doesn't feel much like work.

Speaking of, I have no idea when my first article is going on Cracked. Hopefully soon, they say they are falling behind on articles, but I haven't heard from the editors for a little while (which at this stage I take as a good sign) so we'll see.

My feet hurt. I knew they were going to hurt. I'm not used to standing up for six hours at a time. I'm also a little afraid that I won't get used to it because I will have five days of sitting around between my work week.

I'm glad that I'm doing it, though. Not only does it get me out of the house and into contact with people who like Top Gear and attractive women, but it also forces me to be plesant to strangers. I try not to be an ass to strangers, but I normally don't have to actually talk to many people. I might say hello to a random person on the street, but usually they give me a stunned silence instead of a response. I forget sometimes that people are not used to strangers saying hello to them anymore. Whatever, I've sort of given up on giving a shit if I come across as a strange man to people who don't know me. I'm going to, usually, one way or another. Might as well at least try to be nice. Maybe someone will pay it back someday.

What I have noticed about myself lately is that I am a nerd at heart, but I have a bad memory and I know a lot of minor information about a lot of different things. I think of myself as a "Jack of No Trades." Though this doesn't help me very often, it is useful in getting to know people. Because if you know a little about something they are into they will feel more comfortable around you. Or at least that is my current working theory.

I'm trying to count how many jobs I've had at this point in life. I have no idea right now. According to my resume it is 8. But I left a few off of there for reasons relating to me telling bosses to suck it. I sort of think I'm addicted to quiting jobs. I'd probably be on my twentieth job by now if the economy didn't suck so bad.

I think I'm getting good at finding jobs. When I went looking for jobs in Reno this time around I applied to four places. I was going to apply to more, but I sort of got my hopes up for this bookstore job that I was having some progress in the interview process in. Fortunately as it started looking like that wasn't going to happen I got the job at Bully's.

I forgot to mention in the article "How to Find a Job in this Lovely Economy" (yes, I'm promoting my own site again, shut up) that you should really claim to be employed while you are looking for a job. I should look into businesses that people can start up online while they are job seeking. It doesn't have to be something you want to do for long, or something that will make a lot of money. But being able to put "currently employed at" on a resume seems to carry weight, even if you are just employed by yourself. But, hell, you could cut your neighbors lawn once every two weeks and then just make a free blog and call it "(Your name)'s Landscaping" and post some pictures of rocks and grass and trees and make a few blog posts about the best soil to use in an arid environment. Then, when you do get an interview, and they ask about the landscaping, tell them business has just been really down lately. They will believe that, and they will be sympathetic.

The great part about that, too, is that it isn't a lie at all. As long as you have imagined having more clients for your business then you can legitimately say "I haven't been doing as much business as I'd like" and you can walk away knowing that you God didn't smite a kitten because of your immoral lies.

Plus, maybe people will stumble on your blog and email you and say "hey, can you do this job for me?" and you can actually start a business without even really trying. But don't get your hopes up for that happening.

On an unrelated note, this week was strange. Monday started with an enjoyable extended afternoon lunchin for Paul's birthday and then went to me bitching so much to my landlord that I almost got evicted, then went to the hospital to be there with my mom, then went to corporate meeting, then to a booze filled trivia night, then to a brand new job at a bar. I liked it. Linear weeks are boring.

On another completely unrelated note, I watched some of the new Futurama episodes and one had Fry, Bender, and Prof. Farnsworth traveling at a rapid pace through the Earth's future. It's strange, but sometimes I forget how meaningless this era of history really is in the grand scheme of things. The Earth is going to be around for a few million more years at least, and probably a few billion more years. Is there really anything that can be done that is going to have an impact in such a large amount of time? I don't know. I remember my first existential crisis. I was nine or ten. I had never heard the word "existential" before. It focused more on if I really existed or not, but if you start questioning your own existence at that age it does seem unlikely that you will be able to grow up and really think that there is anything you can do that has any meaning. Or maybe everyone has those when they are kids. What do I know?

Comfort Eagle

My new website is up, Tin-God.com. I'm trying to fill it with less personal stuff and more random other stuff, so I'll still be using this blog from time to time when I feel like posting stuff that is a little closer to my heart.

Tanner just moved out. I thought I would enjoy having the place to myself again, but it just isn't the same. Everything seems so big and empty. It took me a while to get used to having a roommate, but when I finally did it was actually kind of nice having someone else around. I suppose I'll probably need to go out looking for someone else at some point. Although I am sort of hoping that instead of that I can actually find myself a girlfriend that would come around often enough for me to not feel so lonely in this apartment.

I had to turn down an opportunity to live with someone else that I probably would have gotten along with pretty well. The problem was that she was a girl that I had had quite a crush on for a while. I figured out that it was never going anywhere and thought that it was fine, but thinking about actually living with her made me realize that there was no way I could actually deal with her being around all the time. Especially considering that she is still dating some guy.

There was a sort of silver lining in that I made myself feel bad enough about going back and forth on moving in with her that I had to tell her the actual reason for me not wanting to move in. I say that is a silver lining because there were a couple of times after a couple of beers that I almost emailed her confessing my feelings just because I really wanted to get that off my chest so I could move on. I don't know how she took the news. I assume that she already knew, or at least had an inclination that there was some of that going on, but it is one thing to think something and another thing to read it on an email and know for sure.

Whatever, it was one of a line of hopeless romances that I sort of pursued over the years. Every once in a while there comes a girl I become friends with but develop feelings for. I always end up having to pull back from being their friend at some point even though I actually enjoy hanging out with them in a platonic way. It isn't like I spent all my time with them, just a few hours a week usually, but it always got to be too much. I guess I suppress a lot of emotions.

I don't really know why I am writing this all out here. I've just been off my beat the last few days. The last week really. I think it's my mom. I found out last week she had more tumors growing. She's had breast cancer and a brain tumor. Now she has them growing in her liver. I'm trying to take it in stride, but at a certain point it becomes hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel when this shit just keeps coming back. She gets better just long enough to get back to her normal life and then shit happens again. It's really starting to get me down.

Anyway, that is it for now. Take her easy internet folks.