The Dark Knight

The trailer for the Dark Knight is supposed to premier with I Am Legend, which I think opened today. Or next week, I'm not really sure. Anyway, here is the trailer which, as the article points out, "Someone who caught an early screening was kind enough to film it using his own butt."

Ron Paul is a Republican

I thought he was different. Seriously. I mean, I knew he was a republican, but he is really a republican. He spoke in Fallon last night. Paul and I were there listening and listening to him for close to an hour I realized that he isn't really different from other republicans. He just is a little more honest than his compatriots. Which is refreshing, but I was almost beginning to believe the hype and thought I might vote for the dude. And now, safely, I am escaped from such a follie.

It also makes me think I should probably sit down and really listen to a few more of these supposed candidates a little more closely and see what they are really saying. Hear. Hear what they are really seeing. Saying. Yeah. I'm tired. Shut up.

You know who else has hands? The Devil!

If anyone is interested, Rottentomatoes has released the first ten minutes of Walk Hard: The Dewy Cox Story for your viewing pleasure.

Muttonhead Quail Movement

More corrections from a list compiled at Regrettheerror.com


My favorite is "Reuters, the reigning back-to-back champ in this category, didn’t win but did come in second place by calling the Muttahida Quami Movement the 'Muttonhead Quail Movement.'

Now for something completely the same

Fallon is surprisingly not driving me mad. I thought it would. Especially considering I've been staying with my mom for over a month now. Well over a month. Like a month and a half. My god, I am such a fucking loser. Over half of recent college grads these days end up moving back in with their parents for a while. I think the reason is that people don't want a shitty job and end up needing to save all their money for a while whilst they search for a non-shitty job. Or at least that is how I perceive it as that is why I am back.

My hands are getting beaten up by the cat, who has decided that it is a good idea to claw into them and try to bite them. If I could backhand a cat, I totally would. And as funny as that would be to see a kitty fly across the room while I called out "bite this!" in my terminator voice, I just can't do that. Mostly because the cat would probably be broken. Also that is a really mean thing to do. And I am in no way advocating violence towards animals. Just theoretical violence. Fantasy violence. Like in the movies!

I left my laptop in the car last night and now it is cold and getting condensation on it. I imagine this is a bad thing.

I think that if people are allowed to play christmas music non-stop from a little before thanksgiving to a little after christmas I should be allowed to blare an air horn as often as I want in the places doing that.

There are two cops within about two feet of me. This is kind of unnerving. I am in a coffee shop so its not odd to see them here. Just that the table they sat at is right next to mine and I can hear them talking over my headphones. And they can probably read this if they want to. Or at least the one on my side. Scary. Moving on.

If you've got a few extra dollars or know of some other way of getting musical cd's you should check out the soundtrack to "Walk Hard: The Dewy Cox Story." Its a satire of the musical biopics like Walk The Line and Ray. But they got a lot of people together to write the music for this supposed musicians entire career. So there is a lot of Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash and 60 political and 70s dance, as well as many other styles, that have 'inspired' the songs. Of course its a bit silly. But there is some really solid work on it. I imagine when that movie comes out there are going to be a lot of people talking about the music. Probably more so than the movie itself, although that movie does look awesome. Granted I know that eventually I will tire of this soundtrack, mostly because I've been listening to it over and over, which is what I do with lots of music a couple weeks before I get tired of hearing it, but still, its good.

Those cops left so I think it might be time for me to get to work on my actually project I came in here for. Which is an ultra-secret, mega-mysterious writing project. Pretty tantalizing, eh?

Age of Scientific Terrorism

You might be wondering what 'scientific terrorism' is. Well, according to this man:






It is, aparently, when someone with a Ph.D. tells you that your "facts" aren't supported anywhere. Ever. I mean, I think thats what he's getting at. You can try to figure it out. Read all about how the 'scientific elite' think "That you are incapable of making “complicated” health and safety decisions affecting you and your family’s health, which decisions are better left in the hands of the educated elite."

"You may have a four year degree, a Ph.D., four years of sub-specialty training, and eight years experience on top of that. But I read an article on webMD!"

The best part about that article, however, is how much that guy looks like this guy:

Greatest correction of all time.

From the Washington Post

Correction to This Article
A May 1 Magazine article about Savoonga, Alaska, incorrectly attributed a remark from the movie "Jaws" to Richard Dreyfuss. It was Roy Scheider's character who spoke of needing a bigger boat.

They came for the teachers, I said nothing...

Everyday I read a couple dozen articles online and scan the headlines of hundreds more. But rarely do any of them move me to want to do anything about them. This is one of those cases as a teacher is arrested for making idiotic remarks on a blog from his home computer.

I hate anything that threatens free speech. I was debating this a little with paul not too long ago saying that I didn't think networks should have the right to even fire on air people for saying racist/insensitive remarks. At the time the thing was Dog the bounty hunter. But that is old news now. And at least in that case it wasn't government interference, merely a network wanting to distance itself from that sort of thing. Fine. Whatever. Fire the fucking teacher and see if I care. But arrest him? Arrest? For saying vaughly threatening things on a blog? An annoynomus blog?

Time has come to end this shit. I post about it here knowing it won't be read by that many people but I am outraged, outraged I say! I can't live in a society without free speech and I ain't moving to canada so we need to fix this.

Earlier I tracked down the phone number and home addresses of the Chief of Police and Mayor of West Bend. I had them up for a while but took them down as I've decided that I would rather, if anyone cares, have the address for the senator as this is more a matter of national importance than of a small Wisconsin town. Which you can do Here and Here


I realize this is more or less a futile attempt, but I can't sit idly while people are being arrested for saying shit. I almost hope someone tries to arrest me for saying shit so that I can be as loud as humanly possibly about why the fuck they have no right to do that shit.

The Hobbit: IN 3D!!

Peter Jackson is going to direct the Hobbit. I know, its been said before. But this time it is for realz. I think.

Anyway, its going to be in 3-D, which is fucking awesome and maybe a little frightning since, well, 3-D movies are directed at kids generally and it would be easy to push the Hobbit to be more of a kids movie or more of an adult movie, whichever way they felt like going, so its probably going to be kids.

The real news is that New Line is going to convert the Trilogy to 3-D for 2012 to 2014 releases. Fucking rocking.

But hte best part of the article is this photo:



Which I am fairly certain is Peter Jacksons photo for Bear's Life Magazine (which according to Kevin Smith had Kevin Smith on the cover recently! So maybe that isn't as far fetched as it might sound)

!

After several hours of deliberation I've decided that the original post here was no good as it said somethings that whitey just wasn't ready to hear. It also said some things that African-americany wasn't ready to hear.

Hardly the time

I haven't felt like updating this in a while. I still don't, to tell you the truth, but I figure I might as well.

I've moved back from Maine. While it wasn't a mistake to go out there, I don't think that that is really the place for me. At least not right now. I felt sort of homeless most of the time. Possibly because I walked around aimless for hours on end the downtown. Whats strange is that it's already starting to fade so much in my mind. Like a strange dream. I hardly believe I was ever there at all.

So I am staying with my mom trying to figure out the next move in my life. I imagine that it will have something to do with getting a job. Probably.

Other than that I haven't really been up to much. You may have noticed that I am posting this on friday night. Meaning of course that I probably don't have any plans for the evening. In reality I do have plans. I am going to the movies. Well, I am going to watch a movie. Alone. All alone.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in Portland either. I don't want to be in Reno. Or California. Or Oregon. Or Arizona. Or Utah. Or Washington. Or....

Like one of those dreams when you keep running in place, I am still trying to get out. It hasn't been working out so well.

I've been constantly trying and failing at different things since graduation. I guess I could be trying harder. A lot harder, probably, but I'm trying in my own fashion.

I'm not entirely sure how I've been keeping going in the last months. Something inside of me is still driving me towards doing something. I just don't know what that something is or where the hell I am supposed to look for it. I keep hoping that my life will turn into a novel. An ephiphany will strike. Or something or someone will be put in my way that will send me down the next path. Lead me to some greater understanding of myself or the world or at the very least lead to happiness. Of course, it could be that my life is going to be the debut novel of some half-talented wannabe film-maker who will steer it towards certain doom simply because they think if they kill me off it will make their story more powerful. Even if my death does nothing to advance the plot. God damn, I swear to christ if my life is being written by some hack, I will jump out of the pages and strangle them. Unless this is some sort of really weird story and I jump out and the writer is myself and if I kill him then I have to kill myself but then it turns out that now that I have left the pages I can't go back and the world can't have two of the same person in it for too long or it will kill us both just to equalize. But I know that if I let him kill me then he will go on living, but if I do manage to kill him then I will be killing myself in the process. Unless, of course, I can become the writer of my own life, so I steal his manuscript and take over on it. And then I hire an albino assassin to kill him. And then I write the novel the way I feel it ought to be writ, but since I am off the page it is causing weird dilations of the space/time continuum, so I write in a beautiful woman to be my love interest but then the story starts to write itself and she turns out to be a mass murderer and she is planning on making me a puppet by taking the manuscript and forcing me to write her in as some sort of emperess of the universe. Thankfully, at the last second, I find a way to pull Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter, Robin Hood, Frank Sinatra, and Silent Bob from their respective movies/books and they manage to fight off the evil woman. Who, in the end, it turns out was actually --- Darth Vader's illegitamate child he had with Cleopatra!

Yeah, thats the type of book I'd probably end up in.

Biggest Little Apartment

Stayed up all night so I could take Paul down to the bus station so he could take it to Boston to get on a train to head down to Oklahoma to visit B.J. I just woke up, and now my apartment seems so empty. When I first moved here I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with such a small place. When Paul was coming I wasn't sure how both of us were going to fit in here. Now that he's gone the place seems so big and empty. Oh, deep sigh. I know, I know, I must sound pathetic right now, but I've gotten used to being around people from my native land over the last couple of weeks, now I have to deal with the fact I'm in fucking Maine by myself all over again.

As for what else has been going on, my dad is in trouble with my sister and my mom because he's been speculating on some house that he's planning on buying and he didn't tell anyone about it. My mom found out (I mean, it is happening in Fallon) and told my sister and me and now my sisters pissed at him for lying to us. Paul and I were playing Scrabble yesterday and the first two words were "Green" and "Secret" and then I was rearranging my tiles in my little board and as I was moving them around they spelled out "Doug Lie." But apparently the house isn't green, so maybe scrabble isn't a psychic board game, although it could be...

My mom is taking off for Italy in a couple hours. Which should be fun. Except for that I don't get to go, so its not that fun. And I really want some pasta right now.

I'm going to have to get another root canal it looks like. A tooth that was iffy the last dentist visit got pretty badly infected. I was on vikadin for a day and now I'm just on ibproufin and penicillin. Drugs are not fun. Well, vikadin was alright.

I posted something last night to make fun of Zach. Since I'm sort of posting over it you should scroll down and join in the laughter! Haha!

Stephen Colbert has a new book out that I found mildly ammusing when I first saw and now can't stop thinking about. I'm having some buyers remorse. Some un-buyers remorse or whatever you call it when you pass something up. I just can't stop thinking about that book. And I think that's a little weird. A little really weird.

Its starting to get cold out here. I still don't have a job. I've been trying to work on my writing but between motivation and visiters I haven't gotten a ton done lately. So it looks like I will be needing a job since I can't count on writing a bestseller in the next two months.

That is all I've got for right now. Look for a long monolog on here in the future, as I'm sure I'll go back to my normal ways in a couple of days.

Crazy Liberal Hippy Colleges

Hello, Paul and I are at my apartment right now. Paul's getting ready to leave in a couple hours, but we came across something we found rather ammusing, especially considering a certain person we know. This is a copy of the email we sent, I think the rest should more or less speak for itself.

(the following takes place between 1 and 2 am)

Hey Zach,

This is mor, if you hadn't figured that out yet. Anyway, I was just surfing the internet while Paul was reading some comics here and we happened to come across a list of crazy college classes. You know, like the Star Trek one you were bitching about the other day. So here is the link in case you want to check it out. They are all pretty funny, but I think the funniest one was "Getting Dressed." Yes, a class on how to get dressed. Man, what sort of crazy liberal college would offer that? Oh, wait, it says right there on the page, lets see...










its PRINCETON!!!


Too bad I didn't go to that Ivy League school, then I would have known pants don't go on my arms! Or that shoes don't belong on my head! Ohh, and don't make me recount the horrors of trying to discover the function of socks.... so much pain could have been avoided...

Hope your having fun over there learning all they have to offer. Hey, if you need to do some studying, I found a great site for you: http://www.cosmogirl.com/. You better bookmark it! Remember, thong underwear is best for hiding those unsightly panty lines!!!

Sincerely,
Mor and Paul

I think we've all learned some valuable life lessons today. Especially Zach.

It has been a while

A few more weeks out here and there really isn't all that much new to report. I finally made it out to one of the islands around here today. Took the ferry with my dad and his girlfriend and got lunch and rode around on rickety old bikes. My dad's and sue got here wednesday and I've been trying to keep them occupied for the last few days with things to do. I guess I knew there wasn't much to do around here but when you first have to entertain people for a couple of days you realize how simple life really is out here. It feels like a big city, but it isn't a place you would go on vacation unless you knew someone there. Or, you know, if you were me. And then you'd go live there for the hell of it.

I've just finished writing a fairly long letter to that girl I've mentioned in Reno. Instantly after I sent it I regretted it. If you've read my blogs before you will understand that "fairly long" by my definition is around seven pages. I do have a tendancy to go on. And I'm all mixed up with emotion right now. Luckily for you people I've written most of it out of my system for the moment, so this should be a decently straight forward blog.

Next week I am planning on going down to visit Zach and Paul, who is getting there sometime next week as well. If all goes as planned... actually I'm not really sure there is much of a plan. I think we were planning on going to new york. Although I have to admit that as much as I know I should go to new york and check it out, I really don't have much interest in the place. My dad was there before he came up here and it sounded like a headache trying to see the sites and just getting around in general. I drove through new york once before and the traffic was god awful and I just wanted nothing to do with the place. Its sort of like LA. Sure there is a lot there, but I don't have any interest in it. I don't understand how people can live that densly. Although it is pretty dense out here, but nothing like new york. But who knows. We'll probably go and I'll probably be like "man, this city is awesome!" and then I'll pretend that I hate it just to be all anti-anything mainstream. Even though I like a lot of things that are mainstream. But the point was to point out that I was being hypocritical, so admiting to liking other things mainstream seems to be obvious. And you might ask "how can a city be mainstream?" Well, ask someone from new york if the world revolves around the city, and they will answer with a yes. Also they will think since they are from new york the world revolves around them. I've had to deal with a lot of new yorkers up here. Well, not a lot, but a hell of a lot more than in nevada.

My apartment sucks right now. I've been keeping a lot of stuff in my car to clear up space in here and I had to move it all up here while I've been driving my dad and sue around. There isn't a ton of stuff. But there was precious little room without it in here and with it here I tend to look up from my computer and get really claustraphobic every couple of minutes. I really need to move.

Now my head hurts from staring at this screen and I want to go to bed even though I'm not tired so I think I'll get something to drink and maybe watch a movie which will also require looking at this screen but with much less white. Unless I watch a movie about snow.

Bad Dreams

Some nights just end up feeling so restless with dreams. I won't go into detail with what I was dreaming about because most of the time people find that to be quite boring and besides I don't remember very well what I was doing. It was just a long night that had me waking up a lot trying to remember where I was and had my heart beating that I had moved back to the West at the worst possible time to be back there. That sort of upset me more as I woke up some more because for some reason my subconcious was telling me to stay away from nevada. Of course, as it was a dream, there was probably some other thing it was trying to tell me. But waking up and saying "oh thank christ I am still in Maine." was enough to get my out of bed and start my day because I couldn't deal with my brain anymore.

I finished reading "The Watchmen" by Alan Moore a couple nights ago. If you haven't read it you really, really, really should. I mean, if you have even a passing interest in superheros then I think its worth a read. It shows just how far the masked avenger ideas of comics can be taken, and how small in comparison most comics make what could be the most compelling of stories. What shocked me is that it is from the mid-eighties. Over twenty years its been around and still there is nothing that even compares to it, save perhaps for some of Alan Moore's other work. God, I so wish that guy was related to me. I mean, I know he's probably pretty nutty as a person, but carrying the same namesake as someone who I am pretty sure qualifies as a genius just makes me want to be able to say "oh yeah, he's my second cousin" or something. I have relatives in England, but they are on my mom's side of the family, so the Moore relation is lacking. But everytime I read a comic not written by him and I say "this is really good" and then I go and read one of his I'm just forced to admit that every other comic just doesn't come close. Not by a long shot. I've read a forward written by one of the artists that worked with him and he said they'd been working on two seven-page stories for Green Arrow and when the artist got the script for the comic it felt like a phone book because of the massive amount of description that he Alan worked in. It just seems to say that he really doesn't take any of this lightly. I read V for Vendetta after I saw the movie and didn't understand why what seemed like merely superfluous changes to the story would make Mr. Moore take his name off the movie, but figured it was just because League of Extraordinary Gentlemen got so fucked up by Hollywood that he was just over reacting. But I see now that it is because he knows what the hell he is doing can't stand seeing his babies get fucked over just to make a few bucks. That being said I wouldn't expect to see a "The Watchmen" movie ever, so you really ought to read it.

I finally watched Knocked Up last night. After that came out everyone was saying (well everyone as in the people in the media) that it was too impossible to believe that a guy like him would get a chick like that. That is such a goddamn stereotype. I mean, if the chick were younger than she probably wouldn't go for a guy who looked like that, but at her age that is when she would look for a guy that she thought could take care of her. That is why it was only when he took some responsibility did they really work things out. People are so hung up on looks. But I mean if you look at older couples wedding photos you will often see a sort of weird looking dude with a really hot chick. Its only because people get older and look less like they did that we think it never happens. Being good looking will help you in the short term, but for longer relationships its all about personality and compatibility. Our culture seems to be saying when it says that a guy like that could never get a chick like that that it doesn't believe in romance anymore, it really and truly only cares about looks. Period, if you don't look good you should leave society forever because no one will ever love you. Such rubbish. I was in the store yesterday and they had one of those celebrity rags and they had pictures of actresses on the beach in bikinis with big circles around the cellulite they could find near their bums or on their stomachs. They looked like women at a beach *gasp*. I think they point it out so much and mock them for it so much because people see actresses as the front line against looking like real people. If they fall, then we'll all be forced to admit that the real freaks are the super-thin people in magazines and movies. I have nothing against someone wanting to look good, but when you compare their weight and size to that of the average person than it is almost freakish. Models used to be big and curvey and busty and thin women felt out of place, then the dinamic shifted in the seventies towards the wafer-thin. You'd think that by now we'd start seeing larger women showing up more, but we don't. I don't mean obease, I just mean full bodied. Its sad that our society, and most of western society at this point, seems to think that the best looking women look like fifteen year old boys. Curves are only okay so long as there is absolutely no fat. Its just so unnatural, and quite frankly I'm just not attracted to most of these ultra-petit women.

Okay, I think that is enough of my ranting for one day.

Blue Whale is never the correct answer

Wow. Sometimes I really don't have much to start one of these things out. I've tried like eight different things to start out on. Nothing seems quite right. Perhaps it is an indication that I really don't have anything interesting to say. But it is a blog and saying something interesting has never been a neccesity.

"Dear Hearts, the Coffee House is the citizen's academy, where he learns more Wit than ever his Grannum taught him." The Men's Answer to the Women's Petition against Coffee. London, 1674.

I'm having some coffee right now. There are some pictures of spiderwebs made by spiders on LSD and ones who were given caffine and the LSD is fucking perfectly semetrical and the caffine looks like a crack addict made it. 80% of people drink caffine every single day. Learning is fun!

Still, I feel the weirdness of the caffine in my system. First I get all tired then I get sort of out of it and things become harder to understand. This is only if I have a lot of coffee all at once, as I did tonight because I made a pot to break in my new mug. Yes, that is the level of excitment in this apartment right now. Breaking in the new coffee mug. And watching old movies. Well, not that old. Point Break and Children of the Corn. Not very old at all, really.

I mentioned a couple of girls last time I was on here. Nothings really happened with either of them. Actually, to be perfectly honest, nothing at all's happened with either of them. I haven't spoken to either since last I was on here and before that actually. Though I suppose something has happened with both of them, just nothing that involves me. At least not directly. I think that may be a good thing in its way. The more I think about it, the girl in Reno and I probably don't have much of a future, sad as I am to admit it. And the girl here is just a mess and I'm completely into the idea of never having to deal with her again. The thing is with the Reno girl I have a connection, we have a connection, but it just seems like maybe I was wrong in assuming it was going to go somewhere. But I guess I assumed a level of commitment from her before I even left which was sort of unfair of me. Since I told her I wanted to be with her. And we sort of agreed to wait and see what happened. But I feel like I was probably already since I've been here just a few phone calls and another date or two from falling into a bad relationship, and she can't seem to stay out of bad relationships for more than a couple of weeks. The fact that she hasn't called me back or answered my emails gives me pause and makes me wonder if she already found someone else and either doesn't think its any of my business or is afraid of telling me. Either way it doesn't bode well for me.

That's good in a way, since I did want to leave and try to start over fresh somewhere else. I've just kind of got to get her out of my system and then move on. Its a challenge, but I can't go my whole life waiting for a girl to say she's ready to be with me, I've done that before and it didn't end well. Ever. So maybe this is the final wake up call I'll need. I can do pretty well on my own, but I can't handle life completely without some companionship. And friends help with that part of my life but I think sometimes I need more. Not to mention that I've almost completely fallen out of contact with most people over the past couple of years. Its hard for me to stay in contact, mostly because I get so caught up in whatever I'm doing that I sort of let my inner life take over for most of the rest of my life. I've never been very good at taking initiative when it came to keeping in touch with people. Sure, I'd probably show up to do something if someone invited me, but I never asked other people to do stuff with me. Mostly because I was never doing much more than watching tv and movies and reading. But really I've just always liked being by myself, I think its because I don't want to be dependant on anyone else. Its not really the best way to live, but its just how I was brought up and I can't seem to break the cycle.

Buddhists are like that. They like solitude and independance and the ability to be able to take care of their mind and bodies without help. I think its to get better in touch with the zen of the world. Although I sort of think Buddhism is crap. Not the theory of it, but how can you create an organization around an idea like zen? How is that different from any other religion that tells you that if you follow a certain path you will receive (x,y,z)? Its like they were dissatisfied with organized religion and sought a different way and ended up at organization again. I guess people can't really help it. We're social and we have to create social groups to belong to. I think thats why I wonder about myself so much, since I don't really have that same desire to be part of a group. I like people, I like being around other people, but if it starts to feel too much like I'm in a group I tend to shy away from it, even when part of me wants to be an accepted member of the group.

I don't know. I could continue down this path of self-analysing what makes me dislike groups for hours. But then someone would probably find this blog and be like "yeah! I hate groups too! Lets form a club to protest groups! I'll get everyone together for the big meeting!" So I'll just let it be a sort of mystery for a while longer.

Culture of Bohemia

I bought an art yesterday. I was going to avoid downtown but then I decided that I wanted to go buy a comic book so I headed down there and discover, to my shock and awe (lame joke? never!), that there was a huge art sale-thingy going on. I mean, ten-fifteen blocks of tents filled with every visual medium (non-moving picture mediums at least) you can think of. I walked around for hours, just looking at everything and being more and more and more impressed by the people's work that I saw. I still feel like an idiot talking to artists because I have no fucking clue what to say "that is a pretty... color." Or, "oh, I like the way the light plays with the, uh, light." Regardless I talked to a few of them. Most of the stuff was out of my price range, but I found a perfect priced/sized piece and went and found the wacky artist and bought it. I wish I could describe what it is, but it is so abstract and surreal that it would be hard to put into words.... okay, you got me, its a picture of two gorrillas sitting on massive piles of bananas. One of the gorrillas pile is, like, way bigger than the others and the one on the smaller pile is looking at the other with all this disdain in his eyes. It's called "Envy," and I love it. I wanted the big one but it was like $300, worth it if I had the money to spend, but I don't. The print I got was $15. Totally worth it.

I went on a date last night. I haven't been on a date in a little while, last night reminded me why. The only girls that are crazy enough to go out with me are, well, crazy. And I don't know if it was telling every guy she met in one bar that she loved them or taunting a bouncer at another place or skipping and yelling like a fourteen year old while we were walking between places or running into her seventeen year old cousin who was a little high and with her drug dealing fiancee with the guarentee that her baby was safe at home or just listening to this girl talk about the stupidist shit for hours on end, but something just wasn't right (that's what we call an understatement, also there was more crap that I won't even bother to mention because it was more depressing than just sad). What makes it all worse is that knowing that I am a guy and that had the opportunity arose I still would have slept with her. Its probably good that it didn't, then, but then again it would have made for a more enjoyable night. Well, at least there would have been some icing on the shit-cake that was the rest of the night.

Fuck it, its funny in its way. And it did give me something to do last night other than read and watch epsiodes of curb your enthusiasm which was what I probably would have done last night (and will do tonight, huzzah!). I guess the first girl I met here I shouldn't have expected to be a perfect match, but a guy can dream. The real problem is that there is a girl back in Reno that might be a near perfect match for me. We got pretty close right before I left, but then nothing was going to happen between us since she is technically still married. You know, until that pesky divorce business is over. So nothing happened and nothing happened and then I was like "well, I'm leaving." And I did. But we keep talking and I can't stop thinking that maybe I walked away from someone who actually would have been perfect for me, but I didn't walk away completely and I don't know if she really feels the same about me as I told her I do about her, but she claims to at least. But she's not ready to move on just yet but in time, yeah, in time. Oh god, sometimes I fear that my life is actually a really poorly written sitcom. That of course makes me wonder, just how poorly written are all those sitcoms? I mean, if this all sort of has the feel of a bad sitcom then maybe they have hit on a bit of a truth in those crappy half-hour spots. And I think thats what scares me the most.

Disgrunteled (un)employee

There are a lot of coffee shops next to where I live right now. I mean, there are several. Anyway, I didn't feel like going to any of them today so I got in the car and found a place... somewhere, I don't know, where I don't exactly know where I am. The manager said she was looking for emloyees and as I haven't really started looking for a job as of yet I said "yeah, give me an application." But I don't really want to work in a coffee shop. Nor one that I'd have to drive to, considering how close I am to others. But so far today all I've done is read and watch a couple of episodes of south park on my computer. And now I'm sitting here so that I can use the ineternet. Pretty fucking exciting. Fuck, sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing here. Okay, most of the time.

But I feel like it will be good for me, even if I spend most of my days in my dinky apartment reading and fucking around on my computer. It is nice to get out for an hour or two every now and again though. I can walk to a movie theater from where I'm living. It's not a huge theater, but its got like five screens that can hold probably about two hundred people per. But in the days its only $5 for a mantinee and there are hardly any people in the theater. Almost a cliche of a single man in the city, I feel. But its quite enjoyable.

I feel better out here. I don't know what it is. Although I always did suspect that reno was sucking the very soul out of me. I even got what I figure is a more or less completely bullshit parking ticket today and I didn't even feel that annoyed by it. Slighlty, but nothing like when things went wrong for me before. I don't know, I suppose its just that I'm happy, at least for the moment. I'm scared out of my mind that I am going to spend months here and start hating everything about it because I'll be losing whatever it was that made me feel good, but I don't really think that is going to happen. I'm trying to make something out of myself. I just have to be patient, I guess. I feel like I should be going faster on getting things done (mostly my writing) but I know that when the time is right I will not only be able to write what I feel I need to write but also that I will be much more passionate about it than I have been in a little while.

That probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but whatever, I don't know how else to put it. And I really have to pee, so talk to you later.

It Always Turns Out This Way

Right now I'm sitting in a Days Inn in York, NE looking out the window towards a cornfield in the vain hope of seeing some fireflies frolicking around out there. So far I've seen none.

As you may have guessed from the part about Nebraska, I am on my way out east to Maine. There was some back and forth on if I was going to go or not, but eventually three things overpowered my chilled feet. The first being that I swore to myself that not only would I not stay in Reno any longer than a couple months after graduating, I also swore that I would not live in another apartment/house in Reno the day I moved into the Bluffs. The second being that every attempt I made to get something going in Reno after college had fallen through. I won't get into exactly what those things were right now, maybe later. The third being a strange attraction to Portland, ME. You know that feeling when your just starting to fall in love with someone? That's how I felt about Maine, still feel about it. And I have no idea why, but, shit, I just had to go find out.

I'm fucking excited as hell about getting there and scarred shitless as well. I have a feeling it will work out okay. But at the same time I'm going with no job to go to, no school to go to, no friends to go to, no family to go to. All alone. I make it sound worse then it really is. The thing I'm really afraid of right now is not getting there by Friday morning. Only because if I don't get there by then I'll be stuck in a hotel for an extra three nights when I could otherwise be in my apartment. Had I not (massively) overslept Sunday I would be on track to be there, but alas I left Monday.

I found the perfect diet for me to road trip. It keeps my energy up all day without those massive crashes that you get sometimes. Nutra-grain bar for breakfast, Cliff bar for lunch, jerky and trail mix for late afternoon snack, and then whatever is being sold in the nearest resturant to the hotel I bunk down in for the night. The last two nights its been Chinese food, which was delicious. Sort of a backpacking diet, I suppose. It works well for driving though.

Okay, I am very tired and though I sort of want to keep going and make this one of my super-long (average) posts, I shall take my leave now.

Reading Rainbow

The other day I was reading an article I came across on Fark the other day that said that Harry Potter was bad for readers. In fact, I went through and dug up the article so you can read it here. Although there are a couple of things I don't really agree with this guy on, such as his assertion that everyone in America is somehow "required" to bow down and praise Harry, he does make some interesting observations. Such as "[W]e're experiencing the literary equivalent of a loss of biodiversity. All those people carrying around an 800-page novel looks like a great thing for American literacy, but it's as ominous as a Forbidden Forest with only one species of tree."

I'd never thought of books (or any other media) in terms of biodiversity before. But at the same time I always shrink away from anything that would take out the diversity of things. Like this thing with AT&T and other companies trying to become the gatekeepers of the internet. There is a lot of crap on the internet. And there is a lot of stuff that is superfluous. But if the sites that pay money to giant companies are the other ones that come up in a Google search, then we've lost the essence of the internet.

So in a way it's the same thing as this Potter-mania. Though no one is really blocking out other books, all we see when we type in "book" is Harry Potter. I guess what it goes to is something else the guy in that article said, something I'd heard before but blocked out. Half of all adults won't read a novel this year. Half of them! Not a single one! I think I've read about twenty books since January and I constantly berate myself for never getting any reading done. I go out and buy more books than I know I'll have time to read just to make sure that I never have an excuse not to be reading. And it's easy to get distracted, what with the internet and all, but still, not a single book? So if the only book you pick up in a year or two years or however many years is a Harry Potter book, then you are left with the distinct impression that Harry Potter is the largest literary achievment of our times. If I had stopped reading when I was 14 I would still be under the impression that "Shadows Of The Empire" was one of the top literary achievments to date. I re-read that book a year or two ago and I could barely get through it. Not that it sucks, really, but it isn't that well written, the dialog is goofy and forced, the plot is weak, and the characters are so simple (even Luke and Leah) that they barely seem worth my time to read about them. As a fourteen year old it was fantastic though. I read it five or six times the first year I had it (and still have the occasional flashback to my fantasies of Leah in that transparent green dress with the black body sleeve she wore under it). The point being, without other books to show me what I was missing as far as fiction was concerned, I never would have grown away from thinking that was as good as a book could get. And Harry Potter is definately in the same category as Shadows of the Empire. All action with a basic good v. evil plot. Listen, we have Star Wars. We have The Bible. Do we really need a third massively popular good v. evil?

I hope I haven't given the impression that I hate the books or the popularity. I like that books are still being read. I just wish that people read enough to know that Harry Potter books are what they are marketed as, kids books. It's fine to read and enjoy them, but don't hold them up as great literature. I've read two or three of the potter books and they are so lackluster in the way they are written, so empty of emotion and real human drama, that I can't, for the life of me, remember a damn thing that happened. And I've seen the movies. Or, I think I've seen all the movies. Whatever, the point is that I can't remember a damn thing about them. And you may be thinking "why blame a book for your bad memory?" but the point is I can't remember anything about them because there wasn't a single part in the books that was worth remembering. I read the books in about a day each and by the day after I couldn't remember what the hell had happened. A few summers I was on vacation in tahoe and my mom had some books and I read two of them in a row and I couldn't remember a damn thing about them by the next day. My aunt started asking me about something that happened in one of them and I was like "oh, yeah, that was, uh, neato." These books are not food for the brain, but candy, soft chewy candy that hurts your teeth and makes you sleepy once you start crashing from all the sugar. But then you wake up and you see half a bag and all you think is "oh, candy!" and you have finsh it off, because you didn't bother to even try to remember that you ate candy already, because it didn't seem important at all at the time.

Then There Were Three

Three posts in three days is almost a record for me. And I've got three plastic boxes full of books next to me. And there are three good Star Wars movies. That doesn't really have anything to do with anything.

I do need three letters of recommendation to apply for the University of Southern Maine. I've got two solid ones lined up. I don't know where I shall get the third. If I wait for like four more years I could have Dr. Chitwood write me up one, and they'd say "how do you know a doctor of History from Princeton?" and I'd say, "Oh, there's a lot you don't know about me." That's what I could say, all of this assuming zach actually would write me a letter of recommendation. And seeing as I think I mispelled recommendation... wait, okay, I spell checked and no I didn't, apparently, though I did mispell mispelled. Several times now. But it's better my way. I don't see any reason for double s's. What is this, 1939 Germany? Fucking SS's in words give me the creeps. Of course I see at least one example of double SS's in a word in this paragraph, so, yeah, whatever.

I was planning on finishing about three books this weekend. Instead I've watched several silly movies and I was just watching Spin City on my computer for the last three hours. It's a funny show. Stupid, but funny. And not always that stupid. Okay, always that stupid. I don't have to defend myself here. Hey I'm not on trial. Not like all those damn SS's officers. Fuckers.

Some of the pressure I was under yesterday has gone away. For the first time in a long while I feel like I can really relax for a while and not feel like crap about myself. I keep feeling like I'm not living up to my potential. But I got my diploma in the mail the other day and its sort of relaxed me. When I was on my trip I was just fucking hard all day everyday trying to find interesting things, travel far distances, meet strange people I could work into characters. And the whole time I felt like crap because I didn't feel like I was getting anything really done. But then I look back on it and realize thats how I felt all through college and now I have this shiny new diploma to show for all that crap I wasn't getting done and it reminds me of how it all adds up.

I want to send a story in for publication this summer. I really need to start trying to get some stuff published if I want to get anywhere. I'm doing an online workshop with some classmates of mine and its going alright. I suppose, I've not really been much of a part of it yet because I couldn't do the discussion last week. But they are keeping it going and its nice to have a reason to really try to get some shit done over the summer when its so easy to just kind of fuck around with a few story ideas and not finish anything. Although I haven't finished anything this summer. But I'm in a sort of perfect storm of ambiguity and confusion and disinterest and some other weird emotions that, while they could be good fodder for future stories, make it nearly impossible to write anything right now. I've got to either hit the eye of the storm or get the hell out of it before I'll get much done, I think.

I just jammed myself in the eye with my finger trying to get an eyelash out. I'm glad I didn't use a pen to get it out like I thought about.

I really should go to the store. And clean out my car. I need to pack some stuff in there and its just a mess. And theres a cobb salad from yesterday in there that I'm starting to worry about. Really worry about. But fuck, its really hot outside. And I'm wearing clothes I'm too embarresed to be seen in public wearing. Even the parking lot. Parking lots are the real downside to aparment living. I don't like being out there cleaning my car, anyway. They all watch me, and wonder how a guy could have that many packs of cigarettes and soda cans in his car at once. Really, three trash bags full? They ask in mocking silence. Listen, I realize I generate a fair amount of waste in my day to day life. And really, I'd do something about it. But in a surprise ending I'm actually a villian from Captain Planet, whose evil plan to pollute the world so that property values will plummet and I can purchase the land and then clean it out and dump the waste into a school playground and then sell it for several times what I paid for it. Bwahaha!

Also, I just hate cleaning out my car.

Something Came Up

I am hopelessly addicted to the White Stripes. I bought the new album the other day and have listened to it all the way through about twenty times and I can't stop thinking about it. And I don't even think its as good as their other albums. And don't talk shit about Meg or her drumming. (Fresh Air, 6-22-2007, interview with Jack and Meg White, listen and understand the essence of their sound, including the drumming) You know who I'm looking at, Paul.

The thing is I don't really fancy myself as being all that into music. And I'm not, really. It's more background noise for me most of the time. But, yeah, I can see how people can go completely nuts for bands and want to follow them around for years and years. When you really connect to something it just stays with you throughout ever moment of the day. I suppose its a little like being in love. Or something less cliche sounding.

I haven't been able to focus on anything for a while now. Not since before finals, really. I mean, other than the White Stripes. I haven't been able to write much. I mean, part of that was all the travel, but I had time to work on stuff, and even when I pull out my mac and sip a half-caf non-fat mochachocaluke-ahmoocow lattechemacchi (that may have gotten a little out of hand, I was trying to poke fun at myself for using a mac. I actually just drink plan coffee. Because its cheap and you can get free refills and if you put enough cream and sugar in it it taste just the goddamn same as a fifteen dollar drink. Or however much they cost. God damn, what is the deal with coffee these days anyway? I mean, I guess it's like booze where people want to drink it for the substance held within its liquid walls but they don't want to actually taste it. Thus we have every fucking combination of liqur that takes the taste out of liqur so that people can pretend they are drinking soda but are really getting drunk. Maybe thats the problem. Too much soda as kids. We don't like the taste of real drinks. So coffee and alcohol suffer. And you get old people as the last refuges of black coffee and straight scotch. Old people rock. I think its that it takes most people that long in life to figure out that the simplier things are the better. (since this parenthasis has gone on so long I'm going to remind you here that I was complaining about how I can't write anything anymore because I can't stay focused on anything (and I'd like to point out in this side-side-side note that this is a perfect case in point) and now we can get back to coffee) Which is to say that if you put all this crap in coffee and get charged a lot more are you really getting anything better? No, you just look cooler, which is why I was making this joke about myself and using my mac) I can't seem to get any work done and I stare at a blank screen. It's annyoing that I can spend so little effort and come out with insane amounts of writing on my blog. Because talking about yourself is always easier to do than talking about anything else, I guess. I don't really have to stay focused or anything.

Today has been another up and down day. It started out alright. Then it got a little better, then it got a little worse, then it got a lot worse, then I had to lie down for a while to calm myself down before I broke my keyboard in frustration, then I had a phone call that confused my sensibilities to a point that made me need to write about myself for a while just to have something to keep my attention for a while. That call. It could lead to something that could be good for me. And it could lead to my untimely death. Or it could lead somewhere inbetween. Or some fourth option. I should watch the Clerks Cartoon. I may have put it in a box, as I thought it would be smart of me to start packing stuff up to take back to fallon and I've yet to pack anything other than my DVD's and I don't have any boxes and I tried to get some boxes today and I couldn't find any in the frieghts behind the mall nor could I get any from the fucking supermarkets near my house and I thought about buying some big tupperware boxes to put all my books in, but they didn't have a price tag on them and I didn't want to spend too much and I thought I should go to Target but it was Saturday afternoon and I had just come from that side of town and this probably isn't very interesting, but damn it, it was just so frustrating at the time and I felt like sharing.

I hate this. This not knowing what to do with myself. I'm all fucking over the goddamn map. Not literally, although, now that I think of it, if it was a map of the US then yes, literally, although not really because the map only represents the US and so I'd be all over what the map was representing. Unless I was actually standing on a map. Which I'm not, and being all over it I could be, but that wouldn't be saying much, would it?

I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about anymore. Oh yeah.

Fuck, I'm a mess right now.

I'll finish this later. Maybe.

Added Section

The other day I decided on a whim to drive up to Portland, OR and check it out. I wasn't a big fan, to tell you the truth. I suppose I could grow to like it, but as of this moment I'm wouldn't recommend it to anyone. Unless they really like it, then go for it. Of course, if you know you like it, then why are you asking me to tell you if you should live there or not? Honestly, sometimes I just don't understand you.

I've been back in Reno for about eight hours now and I've already watched two Die Hard movies. Yeah, I'm that awesome.

I will say that I really liked Powells Books in Portland. Fucking amazingly huge bookstore if you've never been there. There are somewhere around eight (I think) different colored rooms, each devoted to a different section of books, and each room is about as big as a regular sized bookstore. So yeah, that was really cool. I only bought three books because I thought I was going to go back but I didn't get back over there. But that is okay, I'm behind in my reading anyway. Probably something to do with all these Die Hard movies.

Recently it has come to my attention that I don't have any idea what I'm doing. When I got to Portland I realized that right now I'm without anchor and I have nothing to hold me in one place. And I've been getting really antsy and I hate being in the apartment for more than a couple hours at a time lately. I keep feeling like I'm missing out. It's sort of like reverse Agoraphobia (I had to look up how to spell Agoraphobia and I came across a website with some awesome tidbits of information, such as, did you know there is such a thing as Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news? or that there is a word for a fear of otters? It's Lutraphobia). Not that I'm afraid of not being in an unknown or dangerous place, as I guess would be the exact opposite, but rather that I'm just afraid that I'm wasting my life in a cramped apartment with nothing better to do than sit around smoking cigarettes and watching Die Hard movies. Not that I have any problem with such activities, its just that I feel like I could do something akin to that for the rest of my life and really never accomplish anything and that sort of bugs me. Sort of really bugs me.

I've been going up and down a lot emotionally. See before that last paragraph I was in a good mood. Now I'm sort of depressed. It's been like this all day. All month, really. Just really rapid mood swings. I'll probably be on an uphill slide (can you slide uphill? am I mixing up metaphors/cliches? do I care enough to try to figure it out?) again in a few minutes. Actually right now it may just be that I'm getting pretty damned tired. So I guess that this post has come to the end.

But then she had to walk through my door.

I've been listening to "Hard Boiled Detectives." CDs of old radio detective shows. They are so over the top and bizarre by todays standards. They left in some of the advertising, which makes it almost surreal to listen to. In every episode, and keep in mind these are a variety of different shows spanning a near twenty year period of time, the detective is standing right next to someone that is assassinated right as they are about to give up the information. There are so many femme fatals. And the detectives are either hard drinkers or British. And once, both, oh, it was quite a show.

I was writing something about something just now and I looked out my window and I saw this guy in a small leather coat with chains coming off, a tattered beard, 70's tight jeans (with more chains!) and a truckers hat. When I first looked I couldn't see his face since it was covered in a cloud of smoke he had just blown from his cigarette. I don't know why this was an important moment, and probably wouldn't have been if I hadn't been sitting here writing just as I saw it, but it completely derailed my line of thought. Suddenly I questioned everything I've ever done in my life. Suddenly I felt inadequate. And it wasn't that I thought I wanted to be that guy, or that I would want to be that guy, or that I think he's had a better life than I have. There was just something, like theres a whole world out there, and I can't seem to catch up to it ever. I've been on the road almost a full week and I can't think of anything I've done that really makes me feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. I question my motives for being out here. I question being out here. To many it may seem as though this is just some vacation I'm taking. I take big vacations all the time, so why is this one different? It's not, I suppose, but it is at the same time. I don't know where I'm going from day to day. I don't have anyone with me. I'm not having a series of wacky adventures like I suppose I assumed I was going to. It all seems so different from what I was expecting. And yet, like when you go see a movie that is completely different from what you thought it was going to be, yet its still good, I don't really want to walk out of the theater. I've thought about it, wanted to pack it in, turn around. But there could still be something out there. I feel like I'm missing something. I feel like there has got to be something somewhere. I think thats why I started. I can't expect to find what I was looking for on the first day, the first week, hell, maybe not within a month. But I know that there has to be something out there that I'm meant to find.

For a while I thought it was this girl thats working the front desk at the hotel I'm staying at. Maybe it was just that she was the first pretty face I'd seen in a few days, but I thought there might be something there. But after persistant bugging by me about everything I can think of as a reason to go to the front desk, I've gotten the two distinct impressions: 1) she's engaged, thus making the uphill battle of my ability to woo girls a vertical climb of about 2,500 feet, and 2) she does not seem the least bit interested. To others she may not look like much, shes about five six, maybe 150-160, noy fat just more full bodied. Like I like my women. And my coffee. If that is a fair description of coffee. Robust, thats better. Thick glasses (on her, not the coffee) and dark hair pulled into a bun. Today she was wearing a sports coat and a tie. If I were the type to get weak in the knees, there could have been a moment of that. Fortunately I keep my poker face as much as possible when dealing with people I don't know all that well. Or maybe thats a bad thing, makes me seem cold or something. Or just strange. Or something. I heard once that blonde people (such as myself) tend to favor brunettes. It's a genetic attraction, apparently the combination makes for good genes. I suppose that would explain, too, why I like a hippier woman. Thems' child bearin' hips, my subconcious points out as my eyes linger on the area in which come together to have a meeting with the back.

Forgetting this girl for a moment, I wonder a lot, and have wondered a lot as I drive, about my problem with women. It has to be just a lack of confidence, but then when I do work up confidence, or at least fake it well enough to pass for the moment, I still can't get anything working. Something I have noticed is that I tend to go after girls that are available, yet not really available. I don't go after girls in relationships, but I want girls in, say, Canada, when I'm just passing through. Or right before I'm going on vacation I'll try to get a girl. There are two conclusions that I've come to regarding this. One is that I'm a natural procrastinator and therefore won't bother to go after a girl till it is almost too late, just as I do everything at the last minute all the time. The second, and the one that seems more accurate, is that I don't really expect it to work and I'll have an out. A sort of natural time table for me to try, fail, and then run away. When I return things will be slightly different, and I'll be in the clear. This, of course, is a horrible way to go through life. Of course I've been trying to correct this, as much as possible. I just really got a clear idea of what I was doing to sabotage myself recently and so I've not been working on the correction for that long, but now that diagnosis is out of the way, I have the luxory of trying to fix the problem. It hasn't been going so well. In fact its been going fucking awful. The girl I was trying to go after has proven a formidable opponate, and I haven't been able to slip past her defenses. But I'm working on it. Still, I guess, even though I'm far away. I feel like I've been trapped in a chess game for months and neither one of us is a clear winner yet. Although, it does beg the question of what her definition of a win would be. Would it be for me to go away? Or would it be for me to break her defenses? I suppose either way it doesn't change my definition of a win. It just leads me to question my game plan. If I break the defenses, is it because I'm just playing better than her, because she wanted me to, or because its a trap? I could probably rule out the last option, really, since I doubt she's an evil genius, though I've been wrong about such things in the past. Also, I really suck at chess.

Part of it, too, though might be that I really just wanted a reason to stay in Reno. Right now I don't have one aside from people I know there. But I can maintain friendships over distance. And everyone is probably going to be going their own way pretty soon anyway. I was thought of something I knew when I first started college. It was that the only thing that would keep me in reno longer than it took me to graduate was a girlfriend. And maybe thats why I was so intent on getting into a relationship before I left. Because I knew that as soon as I got in my car and headed out of the state I was probably never going to really return to Reno. I mean, I'll be back, but I'll be there only as long as it takes to get set up with wherever else it is I'm going to want to move to. I don't know where that is yet, and maybe I'll stick it out in Reno a while longer when I get back, but I'm going to need a job soon and if I take one in Reno I'll probably resent it and quit after a month or so. I think reno's done with me. Or I with it. Its sad to think that a place I've lived for nearly a fourth of my life has nothing to hold me there. And sadder still to realize I'll probably never go back to the only other town I've lived in. I mean, aside from visits of course. I said before that I was a wandering soul. Now I just think I'm a lost one.

Road trip

First off, the blog for the trip is: matt-moore.blogspot.com. I sent out an email this morning to people only to discover that apparently I have not updated my email for a while since there were about five or six people that I had old addresses for. So if you are reading this here and didn't get a message I probably need your email address.

I'm leaving tomorrow for the trip. I was thinking about leaving today but I still have too many things to do to get out of here before this afternoon and I'd rather start off earlier than that.

I totally kicked ass at Risk last night. Only I didn't really, but we stopped playing, and I had the most places. Even though I had already executed game plan Alpha 14 - Wandering Hordes. It's damn near unbeatable. Sort of.

I'm not really sure what else I have to say right now. I've been in a strange mood all week. I think it's the anticipation of leaving, mixed with the anticipation of graduation, mixed with a general feeling of anticipation. Also I'm a bit anxious, and I'm a little anticipatory about that.

The movie "Next" with Nic Cage is actually, and completely surprisingly, a pretty decent movie. There are some bad scenes in it, and some of the acting is a little flat. And Jullian Moore's character gets a lot of build up for not much pay out, but I actually really enjoyed it. The special effects worked for the most part, and in the important parts. The bad hair was a bit annoying but it worked with the character. The ending was a bit of a cop out. I'm not saying this movie is a masterpiece, but it's not nearly as bad as people would have you believe.

I watched the movie "Jawbreaker" on demand last week and I enjoyed it quite a bit. It's an older movie now. It has Rose McGowen and the chick who played Kitty on Arrested Development. And some other less important people. The thing about this movie is that it is total camp. Snakes on a Plane camp. The critics fucking hated it, I looked it up later, but I think that if they went back round to it today after camp has started making its way back mainstream they'd have something better to say about it. The movie is full of all these cliches and stereotype characters and just really dumb characters, but if you believe, as I do, that the movie makers knew what they were doing, then the movie takes on a level of satire of all high school movies. In that way its like "Not Another Teen Movie" only its more subtle. You kind of have to accept that the movie is self-mocking in order to see it, I think, as JJ watched most of it with me and didn't think it was being self-mocking at all. But it was, I tell you! It was. It's really funny if you let it be funny, but you have to look deeper than the surface.

Also, while I'm on the subject, 12 Angry Men and Hollywoodland are both very good movies that I would suggest. 12 Angry Men seems almost trite in its subject matter and how the facts are presented in our modern 4 CSI, 3 Law and Order, 10 to the 10th power other criminal procedure shows. But as a film this is great. It keeps you in the jury room the entire time of the movie and really pushes you into the situation and into the spot. The reason I say it might be appear trite is because some of the things they discover about the case seem like they'd be pretty obvious. But I suppose it could be speaking to a lot of things why such obvious things as they discover aren't figured out by the lawyer. I won't go much more into it than that, but its a good movie. Hollywoodland isn't fantastic. It's good. And its fun, and its leaves you with a strange sense of wonder at the way of the world. But it doesn't work on a lot of levels. One level of which is Ben Affleck, who I am usually a fan of, but not so much here. I think the real problem, though, is that they treat the suicide/murder with more weight then they are actually able to get it to carry. Its just that the whole movie is starting at that point at leading back up to that point and figuring it out, but I guess I just never really got to a point were I cared how it happened or who was responsible. The weight of it is really only seen in the way the children react, and they fall short in that department because they don't seem to really want to deal with kids in the movie at all. This movie would have been great if they had said fuck the flashbacks and just started at the death and moved forward in a straight line instead of giving us all the Affleck scenes. They felt so forced, and they didn't always lead anywhere, which kind of makes the person watching the movie feel like maybe they are being tricked but in the end the only trick revealed is that the film makers are kind of jerks. And I don't even know if thats a trick, per se. But I do recommend seeing it, especially if you like detective fiction and noir film. It isn't noir, and it isn't detective fiction in the standard sense, but that makes for an interesting compination in the film. A sort of new American noir, maybe. I don't know. If you go in expecting to see a lot of intregue but know you aren't going to walk away with any clear answers it would be a fine movie for you to see.

Okay, I don't really know why I spent so much time doing film reviews right now, but whatever, there they are.

And I'm off.

For Official Use Only

Well, it is official. I graduated, so I suppose thats some sort of an achievment. Not only did I show up for the ceremony but I alos passed all of my classes. And my worst grade on the semester was a B-, which, figuring in that I wasn't sure I was going to pass that class, is pretty good.

Kaiser Chiefs, I will mention since I posted a video, have become my favorite band in the last seven days or so. I had heard a song of theirs on the radio ("Ruby") a couple of times and really dug it and so I got their albums and started watching the videos and interviews and whatever I could find. It took me a bit to get into some of their songs, but once I was in I was hooked. My ears have been ringing non-stop for three days now. My car stereo is probably begging for reprieve as I've been blasting it at top volume every where I go. And I'll be going pretty far in my car pretty soon.

I'm going on a road trip (nice segway, eh?). I have it written, in pen, on my calender that I'm leaving on the 30th of this month. I'm planning three and a half to four weeks of travel. That could change, and probably will one direction or the other. All I know for sure right now is that I want to see Montana and I want to see Maine. My uncle suggested going through Canada on my way to Maine, but I think I'm going to make this an American journey. I'll take my passport just in case I change my mind, but I've always had this romantisized image of the all-american road trip that I could take when I had some time. And I have some time, and a little money, so its a perfect time to go and I'm going to take advantage of it. I was going back and forth for a while if I was actually going, but now I'm sure I am. The 30th could change, I don't think I'll leave before the 28th, though. And unless something major comes up in the next week I won't be leaving any later than the 31st.

This isn't a pure vacation, though. It is also partially research. I'm going to be looking for a place to live while I'm on the road. Not just like an apartment, but a part of the country, a state, a city or town. I've told myself that I wasn't staying in Reno for a day longer than I really needed to to get out of college and I don't want to go back to fallon so I'm going to have to find somewhere to live. I don't know where yet. Part of the reason I want to go to Montana, however, is because I've always thought that would be a cool place to live for a while. But I've never actually been there. But I know its fucking beautiful. So, yeah, I'll be checking that out for sure.

I really don't know what I'm going to do with my life right now. I want to go to grad school. That is kind of my only solid goal right now. I have no idea what I'm going to be doing in the meantime (other then this trip), so I guess I'll just have to wait and see what comes up. I want to keep my options as open as possible for the time being. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm starting to go stir crazy in this town. In this state. It is just driving me mad. I've got a wandering soul I think, and I've left it in a relatively small area for 22 years, and its pulling me away.

This probably won't be my last blog here before I leave. I'm going to set up a travel blog (as I don't really want my parents and other family to go through all of these posts on this blog) and I'll throw a link up to it on this site. If anyone has any suggestions on places I might want to check out while I'm driving around, then let me know. I'm going to be on a pretty loose schedual, so I'll have room to check stuff out.

Kaiser Chiefs - Oh My God

Blockbustering

I just watched spider-man 3. A pirated version, on my computer. By now the movies made well over a $150 million dollars. That always makes me angry when movies make that amount of money. A year or two from now when most of the DVD and rental money has finished rolling in they will probably have cleared somewhere between $400-500 million. Maybe more, depending on how much more money it makes in the theater. Fuck, its just annoying to be reminded how much money is really being made by hollywood. I know most of that money would be going into other consumer goods if it wasn't being spent on the movie, but it still bugs me. How many problems could be solved this year if we were throwing that kind of money at them? We could have virtually every homeless person sleeping in some sort of shelter, with enough food, maybe some treatment for their mental problems or addictions or whatever it is thats gotten them to a point where they are living on the streets. Or we could have enough teachers to actually teach all the students. Or we could hire people to go into the prisons and rehabilitate people so they don't just keep coming back in after doing the same shit that got them there in the first place. There are a lot more things we could do with the money to help society. The point is, I know its not going to be going into these things if people aren't spending it on movies. Hell, I know my money isn't going into those programs if I don't go pay to see a movie. But I guess it still just bothers me. It feels like there is a lot of wasted money going into entertainment. I guess we need entertainment, but not as much as people need places to live and food to eat. I'm not trying to say everyone should stop seeing movies and give the money their saving on that to charity. I'm just saying that seeing things like how much money movies are making reminds me of how much our society values these things, and it reminds me how little we value other things.

I've got to go to school five more times before I graduate. Three times this week, twice next week, then I'm done. This semester feels like its barely gotten started and yet its so close to be over. Last semester seemed to drag on forever. I mean, I feel like there is a part of me somewhere out there that is still trapped in the blackhole that was last semester. Like I never made it out, that I only think I've made it almost all the way through this semester. God, if I wake up tommorow and find out that I've only dreamt this semester I wouldn't be surprised. Pissed off, but not surprised.


Shit, I have to figure out what I'm going to do when school gets out. I've been stressed out this whole year, knowing that I was going to graduate this semester seems to have taken its toll on me. I know everyone says that its stressful. I guess what I'm saying isn't anything new, really. But it is new. Since now its happening to me, as before it was happening to other people. I think what worries me the most is that I won't be able to find a job, or I'll get one and hate it and quite, and just not be able to get myself to be motivated to do anything for a few weeks and just kind of tumble in on myself, just sit and stare at a computer screen and maybe occasionally write and mostly just watch tv and feel sorry for myself.

I've been going to school for the vast majority of my life. I think I can honestly say that I'm scared shitless of the idea of not being in school anymore. No matter how badly I hated it, no matter how badly I wanted out throughout the years, its always been part of the landscape for me. I mean, I took a "semester" off once, but really I just dropped my classes a few days before the last day you could drop them, and so instead of taking a semester off I took half of a semester off, and I was working full time the whole time I was out of classes. It was really only about five months between dropping out and going back in, and that was because the summer was in there. Right now my school career feels like a bad relationship. Its falling apart, but, hey, we've had some good times? And we still love each other, I suppose. Its just that we are two very different people now. Fuck. I wanted out of school for so long and now that I'm less then two weeks from being done with it all I want to do is to cling to it. I have a plan to go back to school in the fall of 08. But thats kind of a long time from now. And I've got to get into a school in the meantime. But I have like a year and a half of free time coming up. The ultimate long weekend. And I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself.

It is late at night and I have a lot of homework due within the next two days. A lot of homework I haven't done yet. This is how I know I'm going to miss school, though. Because instead of being really stressed out about stuff thats due in about thirteen hours that I haven't even started I'm already kind of missing that feeling. That last minute scramble to put shit together and get it in and roll the dice of fate a little and see what sort of grade you can get out of it. Usually I'd be freaking out and trying to get shit done like mad right now. Instead I'm just soaking in that combination of fear and pressure and quiet optimism that I'll get it done in time that always rolls up on me when I have a lot of work to do in a very small amount of time.

banana phone

This has not been an especially great week for me. I could go into why it hasn't, but I won't. Suffice to say that I have been trying to deal with my life and that can be a giant pain in the ass. Really, the last few weeks have been like this.

Life isn't easy, so they say. I want it to be easy. I want all the pain and suffering to belong to characters in books and movies and be on tv and never interfer with my life. Unfortunately that isn't how it works. So that leaves me here. Trying to stave off sleep long enough to finish this. Not because I want to get it done, but because I feel like I should at least try and get something written in this blog. Even if it is just me being upset at myself. At least having something up here gives myself and others a sort of snapshot of my life at any given moment. A quick over view with various parts omitted for space and time and other restraints. But a realistic view of myself. And putting it online gets it away from me a little, if only for a while, and sometimes thats all I need.

I'm just disappointed in myself. And I think that maybe in a few weeks or months or years I'll be able to look back at myself at this time in my life and laugh and say 'man, those were some crazy times.' Only I'll probably say it like "craa-zy!" or something.

I'm sick of talking about myself. Really, really sick of it. I'm tired of thinking about myself, too. Though the only way to stop that is to turn on the tv. Since I can't even read right now without getting caught up in the tidal wave of crap inside my head. Do you ever read a novel thats written in first person and think "how can this person talk so much about there self?" I mean, the character, not the author. Anyway, I get to thinking about it sometimes and realize that thats all I do most of the time I'm thinking. Maybe its what most people do, just over think themselves. Maybe its not, I don't know, I can't speak for anyone else. All I know is that this constant refering back to myself makes me feel like I'm in the middle of a story and I'm reading it thinking "I wish this guy would just shut up and get on with it." Unfortunately if the character shuts up there isn't anyone left to tell the story anymore. So I guess thats why you have to take the good with the bad in those stories. and why I always write everything in third person.

I'm tired, and I'm anxious and I'm a little stressed out. I need to get up tommorow and go and take care of some things. And then I need to figure out what the hell I am supposed to do with myself from here on out. Hopefully I've hit the lowest point I'm going to hit. But I do tend to find a way to keep sinking lower. I'm struggling up out of a pit of mud right now, and everytime I get a handhold I lose my footing. But I think maybe the mud is caking to the walls, and it isn't as far down as I thought. Though that doesn't sound very optimistic, perhaps, it is the most optimistic I've been for a couple of days, so let me have that moment.

The world is a little bit different on a mac

I'm still adjusting to this new computer I got. Its strange, I'm sitting in the JTSU and writing this, on a shiny white computer. With a giant glowing apple on its back. I feel like a different person when I'm on this thing. Its all like "look at me. I have a mac. I probably drive a hybrid and like dancing in the rain and movies based on true stories and something else about the environment and EVERYONE LOOK HOW COOL I AM!" Fortunately I don't feel that way. Yet. Though I imagine its only a matter of time before I contribute to the perfect storm of smug (I'll have to keep my distance from George Clooney...)

Really, the worst thing about this computer is how freaked out I am that its going to get stolen. My last laptop I never took to school because I was afraid it was going to get stolen (or damaged, by me). This one I take with me everywhere. I've had it for a week and I really feel like I can't go back to the way things were before. Of course I grow some serious attachment to every computer I have. I guess its because of all the time I spend on them.

And while I'm still on the topic of my computer, there is a counter in the corner telling me how long I've been conneted to the UNR network. Which is really freaking me out because I'll look up and say "this is costing me a fortune!" thinking that I'm paying by the minute (I'm not, but it makes me think I am) or I think "it really takes me that long to come up with a couple of lame jokes for my blog?" And yeah, thats annoying. I can turn off the counter if I want, before anyone points that out, but I haven't. Because I'm much happier complaining about something than doing anything about it.

Brain Damage Control

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm a little bit too impulsive. I woke up at three am one day and decided, for no apparent reason, that the hair I had been letting grow of its own free will for over two years had to go. Later that day, oh, it was gone. Sunday I thought about getting a new laptop computer. Today I brought home a macbook. Yeah, a macbook, my very own. Its so sleek and sexy and it makes me feel like a fool everytime I look at it. I'm not using it right now, its just sitting there, idly, right next to me. Not to say I haven't been using it, its just hard to surf the web since I'm too lazy to unplug my cat5 from this computer and plug it into that one. And because the only wireless network that isn't password protected that I can get onto from this apartment is insanely slow. Also I haven't got all the controls worked out. Macs are weird.

A while ago I suggested the idea of an online magazine that multiple people, including myself, could work on. The idea never went anywhere and I had all but forgotten about it until last friday, when it was brought up again. I think there is a good chance that something might actually come of it this time. Though who knows, in my mind the working title of it would be something like "lazy inc." and the tagline could be something like "yeah, we are too lazy to even capitalize the title, whatever." But that may be just me putting my own personal bias into the thing. Point being if your interested give me an email or a comment and I'll get back to you. I get really ambitious about stuff, but if nothing is really happening with it my interest will slowly decrease till there is nothing left.

I was working on a book of poems a little while back. I haven't done much with it in the last couple of weeks (i haven't done much of anything in the last couple of weeks, actually). I made a cover for the book, well, a tentative cover for it, while I was really into working on it. I have it up on my wall by my computer, with the vague hope that having it there would inspire me to want to finish it. A moment ago I looked up at it for the first time in a while. Its a picture of a train wreck. Just that and the title. Printed out on a black and white laser printer. It occurred to me that that may end up being the cover for the book of my life. "A train wreck?" You say, " what an original metaphor." Well I have one thing to say to you, mister. "Shut up. Jerk."

Really, though, I've sort of shut down lately. Maybe its the thought of graduating and not knowing what to do. I know I use that as an excuse a lot, but its on my mind a lot. I keep finding myself wishing for a relationship. Something more substantial than my relationship to smoking and drinking diet coke. You know, like, with a person, of a different gendered persuasion. Then I keep getting caught up in the idea that having a girlfriend in my life right now really wouldn't make all my problems go away. But it would help ease my worries, I think. Or at the very least give me this whole other field of worries to think about for a while. Sometimes I think that life is just a game of moving from one problem to the next before the original problem overtakes all common sense. Thats probably why I'm so unfocused when it comes to my life. I just move from problem to problem, leap frogging to avoid being in one spot to long. Like in old NES games that if you stood on a platform too long it would sink, but it would rise back up if it didn't crumple beneath you while you stood there. I can't think of what game exactly it is that I'm referencing here. The point being if you bounced back and forth too quickly the whole fucking floor would give out under you. I don't need to get away from all those platforms, I just need enough that I don't have the ground fall out. I just constantly need new different complications in my life. And lately I feel like I've been stuck on the same ones for way to long and that lava is getting ankle high.

I'd like to take a moment to point out how well that metaphor up there came together. That was a thing of beauty. At least by my standards, which are admittedly low.

I hung up a painting I found in my closet while I was cleaning it out today. The painting isn't good, well, I painted it so what do you expect? And it isn't finished, and I can't really remember what it was that I was going for in the first place with that thing. But I hung it up none the less. Partially to add some color to my room. Partially because the unfinished nature of it spoke so much to my habits. I never finish anything. I'm really bad at the follow through. I remember thinking I was going to whitewash it and start over, but now I'm glad I didn't. I have another blank canvas (I bought a two-pack!) and I think I'll use that to try again. I don't think I'll ever try to be a real painter, but I also think that everyone should paint from time to time. And take photographs. And sing. And write something creative. It doesn't really matter if your any good (I mean, unless you want to have a career in one of those fields) I just think that there is a lot of creativity inside everyone that needs to be released once in a while. But for me the fun comes in pretending to be an artist. And for some reason, even though I want to be a writer, when I think artist I still think painter. I suppose a lot of people do. Painting is art in the way we define it most of the time. Even though thats not the real definition, I don't think you can really be in any creative field if you haven't painted at least a couple of paintings. And I guess thats why I hung mine up. To remind me that, hey, at least I'm trying here.

News Cycle

I haven't really had the desire to update this blog in a while. I've tried a couple of times to put something up, but it just usually ends after a few sentences. Although I haven't really had the desire to do much of anything lately. Especially not school work. I really was thinking I needed some good grades this semester. Its not going to happen. Maybe in one or two classes I'll do alright. Not in all of them though. The problem is I really hate my classes this semester. Really, really, really hate them. All but one. But, shit, 1 out of 5. A 20% ratio of classes I like to classes I dislike. This semester is fucking killing me. And its going to kill any hopes at a decent GPA because when I don't like (or care about) a class I barely touch the text books. Which is exactly whats happening. I went in to take a test I hadn't studied for at all while I was hungover the other day. I'm sure that went well.

God, I just don't care anymore. I've just completely lost interest in almost everything. Everything but sleeping and eating. And watching Arrested Development. And playing WoW while listening to NPR and BBC, which seems like an odd combination but I find that if I think back to something I heard on one of the shows I'll remember it quite well, and also remember what I was doing in the game. I guess its like a memory cue. Like sometimes I'll be running along somewhere in WoW and all of a sudden start thinking about the Gospel of Judas or something because I was listening to something about it the last time I was in that place in the game. I forget what Bond movie it was, though I think it was Octopussy, and the first time I saw it I was looking through this stupid catalog full of novelty crap (I was like 10) and even now if I see that scene on TV or somewhere I'll remember looking through that catalog. And whenever I smell mildew I think of Pirates of the Caribbean. I guess that one makes more sense. I guess my point in this, other then that I've lost interest in anything other than the most mild of intellectual pursuits, is that if school had a way of linking information into my brain like these other things then I would probably be some sort of model student. I know there have been a lot of studies and such on the subject of how we remember stuff, I just wish people could apply it better.

One thing I do remember very clearly, and probably will remember for a while, from one of my classes this semester is the intense rage I get in my communications class. You know those people who have a false sense of how good they are at something plus have a really self-centered view of how things should work, plus have those really fake personalities? Yeah, shes one of those. And its a three hour class, so I'm supposed to get a break (they add in an extra 15 minutes in the once a week classes so that students can have a break halfway through) but most of the time she doesn't want to go till the time the class is completely over, so she plans on ending it like 45 minutes early, which is really only half an hour early when you calculate in the extra 15 minutes. This doesn't work for me at all. The room is stuffy and just so bland and she has this monotone that she doesn't think she has (shes a professor of speech communication, so she thinks whenever shes talking shes being fucking riveting) and she always tells us when were talking in front of people to make eye contact, which she does, but she never fucking looks my way because the once or twice she does after about an hour and a half of sitting there and really needing to pee and smoke and just get the hell out of a room that, if I really think about it, would be my idea of hell, if only for a few minutes before having to go back in for another hour and fifteen, she would see that my eyes were screaming. The last class she was talking and I was just smashing the back of my head against the wall. It wasn't really intentional, I just couldn't take it anymore, and the pain was a wonderful distraction. And I can tell that she knows that I would rather be sticking needles tipped with poison ivy into my ear drum than listen to her another second but I've been a good student so far so she hasn't been able to say shit. Fuck, I seriously dread going to that class. I mean, I hate most of my classes, but at least when I'm in the other classes I don't think about jumping out a second story window just to get some fucking air for a second.

I have this weird sordid love affair going on, mostly in my head, that's been driving me crazy. I guess that's a transition. My writing instructor told me he had noticed that I was really into the creation process in writing but that he (actually he said "we" and I'm not sure who else he was talking about, but whatever) noticed I wasn't too keen on revision. Which seems to be a side note, but I think it leads back into this. I build up all these relationships with girls that I barely know in my head. I do this all the time, not just right now, its a running theme in my head. And I was thinking that maybe the reason I'm so good at having these relationships that last months and go nowhere is because I just create in the spaces. I'm not with the girl, but in my head I think about her enough and 'write' the relationship for a few months till I have some interaction with her that really isn't that much of anything and then I just throw my hands in the air and say "that's it! I'm not pretending were going out anymore!" I suppose I should clarify so it doesn't sound like I'm that much of a crazy person. I know we don't have a relationship. I'm not following them around, I'm not going through their trash, I'm just sitting at home and thinking about how if I wasn't such a fucking fuck up I could actually be with them right now. An example, earlier tonight I was watching the discovery channel, something that really wasn't holding my attention all that much but enough that I was continuing watching it. And I all of a sudden had a desire for some ice cream, and I didn't have any in the house. And so I just imagined calling up my imaginary girlfriend and imagined her coming over with a pint of ice cream and watching the same crap I was watching. That is about the extent of the relationship I build up with these women in my head. Its not love, its not even really lust. Its just a desire for an attractive woman to pay attention to me and occasionally take care of my needs, ice cream and otherwise.

So who are these girls in my sordid love affair right now? God, its hard to say. I've gotten all tangled up lately. I just thought of "Teen Girl Squad," and the Ugly Ones "I have a Crush on every Boy!" Change boy to girl and that's about how I feel right now. I really only feel an urgency to have a relationship, rather than my normal lethargic deep sighing desire to have someone but an inability to really act on it, when something big is going to be coming up in my life. Like now its graduation. And when I graduated high school it was the same thing. And there is been a lot of times in college when I thought I was going to do something big soon and I started working harder and faster to try to actually act on my feeling (yeah, harder and faster, uhh!). I think of myself as being cursed with an over abundance of optimism on the subject of relationships. I just always think something will happen, and soon. I'm like the guy who plays the lottery every week for years and every time thinks he's going to win this time. I really have no better prospects now than I ever do. And the odds are still the same against me. And they are just god awful odds. And yet I keep buying the tickets. And I constantly think I'm going to win. Even though, really, I know that what I constantly hope for is just never going to come true. It gets back to my optimism. Like a girl that is into me is going to just walk up to me and write "I'm totally into you" on my forehead, and I'll have to go to the bathroom to read it, and then get another mirror to get a reflection of the reflection so I can actually read it, and then walk back out there and ask her out, looking like an idiot because she had written in sharpie and it just won't come off. I had a point somewhere in there. Ah, yes, that's what I would like to happen, for girls I like to make it clear that they would be willing to go out with me. Because its not the rejection of asking a girl that I'm afraid of, its me asking a girl out that really isn't into me out and she saying yes (for whatever reason, maybe shes kind of sort of into me, or she just likes me as a person but not really as a date and doesn't want to hurt my feelings, anyway) and me taking her out and thinking its going well and then I end up making myself feel like crap in the weeks that follow as I try to get a second date and her continuing to blow me off. So instead of a fear of failure in the initial round I'm afraid of that second round. Because that's where I always fuck up. And that's what really screws with my head.

God, I am so fucking tired of talking about this right now. You know, I don't know how many people sit there and read through every word in my posts but just imagine this long monologue going on in your head every waking hour of the day. I figure my post probably would take around ten minutes to read, give or take, if you read it all the way through. And since I can think a lot faster than I can type, I figure this whole thing counts for around two minutes of thought. And it just goes on in this infinite loop until I finally fall asleep and then sometimes it continues into my dreams, and then when I wake up its right back into it. Usually, sometimes I wake up with a song stuck in my head. And so I listen to that playing and don't really think at all about anything for a while. But then its right into it as soon as I wake up enough to start thinking. My days are just a daze of this crap. I think its why I like playing WoW and listening to NPR. Because WoW is just such a menial task. Repeat the same tasks over and over and over and over. That's all you ever really do. So that engages my brain that controls, fuck I don't know, actions I guess. And then listening to smart people talk about books and musics and news and politics gets the other part of my mind that, I guess just the part that thinks in a rational way. So with those two parts of my brain engaged I don't have to think about myself at all. I'm completely shut off. Its like watching TV, but even TV doesn't shut off my brain as completely as this combination. It used to be WoW and loveline when Adam was still on it. Then when he left I stopped playing Wow, because, what was the point? But now with podcasts I'm back on! Haha. This also relates to my blogs, because when I really get into a blog it kind of has that same affect on my brain. I mean, I've thought about what I'm typing so many times that I don't really have to think about what I'm saying at all, and I listen to music and I don't feel the weight of all my emotions on me anymore. I think that's why they go on for so long. About, really, absolutely nothing in a lot of parts. And I feel kind of bad about that but I figure, hey, its my thing to have the really, obnoxiously, long blogs. Its not like I make people read them. And it makes me look like I really have a lot to say when you click on my page because of all those words on the page. Like these words. Okay, now I'm just wasting time, because I've really run out of things to complain about. At least publicly. Good lord, could you imagine how long this thing could be? I mean, I self edit out a lot of topics that I just won't touch in this blog. If I brought all of those in, man, this thing would never end. I would have to work on my blog, like, eight hours a day, and I still wouldn't get it all out. Actually, that sounds like a kind of fun adventure. For like a week sometime. Just work on writing stuff for my blog for eight hours a day for a week (a work week, so five days). Good lord, I guess I'd have to talk news and politics if I did that. Yeah, I would. And entertainment. And probably a lot of other things. It be like a real blog! And then I'd probably get lazy and take an hour or two off and just post some half written story I wrote a couple of months ago. Well, it could be fun, I don't know. I wouldn't have time to do it for at least a month and a half, so yeah, I'll think about doing that. Mostly as a way to just keep myself occupied for a while after school is out. And also as a way to force myself into doing more writing that isn't just self serving like this blog.

Okay, so that last paragraph was supposed to be my last paragraph. And it seems to have turned into some sort of other tangent of thought that I couldn't stop once I got rolling on. But here, this is the last paragraph. And it is, as it should be, the most important paragraph ever. So I'll just summarize what I think I remember writing about: Eskimo Pie has gained sentience, I for one welcome our new Frozen Overlords.