Been a Long Time Since I Rock and Rolled

It's been three months and a day since I last posted on this blog. Some things have happened. I have my doggy Chewy living with me now, for example. Chewy, who just this moment managed to sit on the cord to the only light source other than this computer in this room and knock out the light. I sort of suspect she did it on purpose...

Of course the big thing was that my mother passed away two weeks ago. It hasn't been very easy. In fact its been really fucking hard. It's getting easier now though. I always figured if something like this happened I would be pissed off at the Universe for fucking me over. I'm not real religious, but I have some sort of faith in a just universe. An idea that if you are decent in life you will not be screwed horribly without something else good coming your way. I guess I believe in something like Karma, I just don't really call it that. But most of the time I think its an abstract notion, that occasionally things are going to look really bad but there might be some sort of good that comes out of them later on. But its been much more apparent lately. Even as my mom lay in the hospital bed in our living room some good things were happening to me. Maybe its all just chance, but I don't really believe that. I've never been a great person, but I've been a good person. I have my issues, but I try hard, damnit. And now there are only three people left in the world that I am related to by blood. Sometimes people are like "I barely survived my family at Thanksgiving" but I'm literally barely surviving being in this family. Like some sort of horrible game show. I know that sounds awful, but my god, if I had a revolver I could murder/suicide my family and still have two rounds left. I'm not trying to be grim, it just doesn't seem right.

But like I was saying, the Universe seems to be trying to help me balance out. For instance, I was drinking some beer in Fallon, alone, after a shitty day and just wishing I had a friend in Fallon I could go hit the bars with for a few hours and just as I was sitting there feeling like crap Paul called and said he had to come down to Fallon for a dentist appointment the next morning and we ended up going out for a few drinks. Hey, it may not seem like much, but it was exactly what I needed that night. And the next day when I got out of bed around noon and found a house full of people helping out with the packing and sorting that needed to get done it was perfect, because I had no desire to do any work that day and with all those extra people I was able to putz around and not really do all that much. Which was nice, what with the hangover and all.

The best thing that has happened in this time, though, was meeting Arynn. She's amazing, and completely unexpected. I spent years of my life trying like hell to get girls into me because all I really wanted to be was just a normal, fairly boring, boyfriend and it just never happened. But now I get to act the part. It was her birthday yesterday and I bought her flowers and jewelry. And I fucking loved giving her that stuff. Yeah, its a cliche, but I like cliches. They make me feel good. Like there is order to life. And I like buying girls presents. One time I picked a random date on a calender and marked it as "buy someone flowers day." I didn't end up buying anyone flowers that day because I didn't have anyone to give them to. I guess I was hoping I would have someone to give flowers too by then. It didn't work out. But now I have someone to buy flowers for and it feels good. And I don't care if that seems stupid, I like it.

Chewy is not a night owl. She likes to sleep next to me but if I move around at night she'll go lie on her bed and glare at me, probably annoyed that I'm not going to bed myself. Then she'll get up and plop herself down next to me again and go back to sleep when I sit back down. Oh, the hard life of a puppy.

I've always had this idea for a apocalyptic movie set in the Nevada desert with a massive ground battle in it at some point that is just a bunch of random cars all armored up and full of guns. They'd line up like in old battles, the two armies standing on the open ground facing each other, then it would just be chaos as all those cars got into it. And since it would be a mostly illiterate society with only a vague notion of history, they would find some AC/DC cassettes and believe them to be ancient battle songs, so they'd be blasting the hell out of them from every available speaker. It would be fucking epic. Also, at some point some commandos would parachute in and land in the middle of the battle and just fuck some shit up. I swear, if I ever have an extra 100 grand or so lying around I'm totally going to try to shoot that scene. It wouldn't have great special effects, but all you really need is some people with cars you can paint and a lot of gasoline you could light on fire to make it look like everything was exploding. Hell, I could probably do it for a hell of a lot cheaper, I'd just need a handful of people who knew how to set up some tricky shots that make it look like there is a lot more going on than there really is.

I need to write a script for that movie. I think I could pull it off on the cheap if I'm clever. And I like to believe I'm clever. I'm not, but I like to believe I am.

I still need some more time to get back to my normal wacky self. With grandious plans of making a movie that is ridiculous and awesome, or possibly just ridiculously awesome. But I'm coming back. I think I'm going to be alright. One of the last things that my mom said to me was that she was just sad that she was going to make me sad. I loved her, and I miss her, but she wanted me to have a good life and to enjoy everyday and that is what I plan to do.