Culture of Bohemia

I bought an art yesterday. I was going to avoid downtown but then I decided that I wanted to go buy a comic book so I headed down there and discover, to my shock and awe (lame joke? never!), that there was a huge art sale-thingy going on. I mean, ten-fifteen blocks of tents filled with every visual medium (non-moving picture mediums at least) you can think of. I walked around for hours, just looking at everything and being more and more and more impressed by the people's work that I saw. I still feel like an idiot talking to artists because I have no fucking clue what to say "that is a pretty... color." Or, "oh, I like the way the light plays with the, uh, light." Regardless I talked to a few of them. Most of the stuff was out of my price range, but I found a perfect priced/sized piece and went and found the wacky artist and bought it. I wish I could describe what it is, but it is so abstract and surreal that it would be hard to put into words.... okay, you got me, its a picture of two gorrillas sitting on massive piles of bananas. One of the gorrillas pile is, like, way bigger than the others and the one on the smaller pile is looking at the other with all this disdain in his eyes. It's called "Envy," and I love it. I wanted the big one but it was like $300, worth it if I had the money to spend, but I don't. The print I got was $15. Totally worth it.

I went on a date last night. I haven't been on a date in a little while, last night reminded me why. The only girls that are crazy enough to go out with me are, well, crazy. And I don't know if it was telling every guy she met in one bar that she loved them or taunting a bouncer at another place or skipping and yelling like a fourteen year old while we were walking between places or running into her seventeen year old cousin who was a little high and with her drug dealing fiancee with the guarentee that her baby was safe at home or just listening to this girl talk about the stupidist shit for hours on end, but something just wasn't right (that's what we call an understatement, also there was more crap that I won't even bother to mention because it was more depressing than just sad). What makes it all worse is that knowing that I am a guy and that had the opportunity arose I still would have slept with her. Its probably good that it didn't, then, but then again it would have made for a more enjoyable night. Well, at least there would have been some icing on the shit-cake that was the rest of the night.

Fuck it, its funny in its way. And it did give me something to do last night other than read and watch epsiodes of curb your enthusiasm which was what I probably would have done last night (and will do tonight, huzzah!). I guess the first girl I met here I shouldn't have expected to be a perfect match, but a guy can dream. The real problem is that there is a girl back in Reno that might be a near perfect match for me. We got pretty close right before I left, but then nothing was going to happen between us since she is technically still married. You know, until that pesky divorce business is over. So nothing happened and nothing happened and then I was like "well, I'm leaving." And I did. But we keep talking and I can't stop thinking that maybe I walked away from someone who actually would have been perfect for me, but I didn't walk away completely and I don't know if she really feels the same about me as I told her I do about her, but she claims to at least. But she's not ready to move on just yet but in time, yeah, in time. Oh god, sometimes I fear that my life is actually a really poorly written sitcom. That of course makes me wonder, just how poorly written are all those sitcoms? I mean, if this all sort of has the feel of a bad sitcom then maybe they have hit on a bit of a truth in those crappy half-hour spots. And I think thats what scares me the most.

Disgrunteled (un)employee

There are a lot of coffee shops next to where I live right now. I mean, there are several. Anyway, I didn't feel like going to any of them today so I got in the car and found a place... somewhere, I don't know, where I don't exactly know where I am. The manager said she was looking for emloyees and as I haven't really started looking for a job as of yet I said "yeah, give me an application." But I don't really want to work in a coffee shop. Nor one that I'd have to drive to, considering how close I am to others. But so far today all I've done is read and watch a couple of episodes of south park on my computer. And now I'm sitting here so that I can use the ineternet. Pretty fucking exciting. Fuck, sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing here. Okay, most of the time.

But I feel like it will be good for me, even if I spend most of my days in my dinky apartment reading and fucking around on my computer. It is nice to get out for an hour or two every now and again though. I can walk to a movie theater from where I'm living. It's not a huge theater, but its got like five screens that can hold probably about two hundred people per. But in the days its only $5 for a mantinee and there are hardly any people in the theater. Almost a cliche of a single man in the city, I feel. But its quite enjoyable.

I feel better out here. I don't know what it is. Although I always did suspect that reno was sucking the very soul out of me. I even got what I figure is a more or less completely bullshit parking ticket today and I didn't even feel that annoyed by it. Slighlty, but nothing like when things went wrong for me before. I don't know, I suppose its just that I'm happy, at least for the moment. I'm scared out of my mind that I am going to spend months here and start hating everything about it because I'll be losing whatever it was that made me feel good, but I don't really think that is going to happen. I'm trying to make something out of myself. I just have to be patient, I guess. I feel like I should be going faster on getting things done (mostly my writing) but I know that when the time is right I will not only be able to write what I feel I need to write but also that I will be much more passionate about it than I have been in a little while.

That probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but whatever, I don't know how else to put it. And I really have to pee, so talk to you later.

It Always Turns Out This Way

Right now I'm sitting in a Days Inn in York, NE looking out the window towards a cornfield in the vain hope of seeing some fireflies frolicking around out there. So far I've seen none.

As you may have guessed from the part about Nebraska, I am on my way out east to Maine. There was some back and forth on if I was going to go or not, but eventually three things overpowered my chilled feet. The first being that I swore to myself that not only would I not stay in Reno any longer than a couple months after graduating, I also swore that I would not live in another apartment/house in Reno the day I moved into the Bluffs. The second being that every attempt I made to get something going in Reno after college had fallen through. I won't get into exactly what those things were right now, maybe later. The third being a strange attraction to Portland, ME. You know that feeling when your just starting to fall in love with someone? That's how I felt about Maine, still feel about it. And I have no idea why, but, shit, I just had to go find out.

I'm fucking excited as hell about getting there and scarred shitless as well. I have a feeling it will work out okay. But at the same time I'm going with no job to go to, no school to go to, no friends to go to, no family to go to. All alone. I make it sound worse then it really is. The thing I'm really afraid of right now is not getting there by Friday morning. Only because if I don't get there by then I'll be stuck in a hotel for an extra three nights when I could otherwise be in my apartment. Had I not (massively) overslept Sunday I would be on track to be there, but alas I left Monday.

I found the perfect diet for me to road trip. It keeps my energy up all day without those massive crashes that you get sometimes. Nutra-grain bar for breakfast, Cliff bar for lunch, jerky and trail mix for late afternoon snack, and then whatever is being sold in the nearest resturant to the hotel I bunk down in for the night. The last two nights its been Chinese food, which was delicious. Sort of a backpacking diet, I suppose. It works well for driving though.

Okay, I am very tired and though I sort of want to keep going and make this one of my super-long (average) posts, I shall take my leave now.