There are a few times that I just get pissed off at the world. It used to be more frequent. I can't remember the last time that I actually stood up for something though. Everything has gotten so damn confusing. I don't know what to stand up for anymore. It isn't that the world has gotten more complex, it is that I don't really know my spot in it anymore.
Maybe I just don't care anymore. I turn all my anger inwards. I see every side of an argument and then choose to not get involved because I don't want to bother with a fight. That isn't me. It just isn't.
I don't have a fight right now. I don't have anyone that has pissed me off. I'm just pissed off.
I've often thought that a man is only as good as his enemies. Who are my enemies though? I'm adrift in the ocean and the only thing I can do is punch the water.
I need to fight, and I don't mean a fist fight, I have to fight for something. But I just don't know what to fight for. I'm a passionate guy when you get to something I actually care about. The problem is that I just haven't really cared about anything in a while. Somewhere, though, someone is screwing up. Someone is doing something that I have to stop. I just need to find out where. And what. And then I need to try to stop them.
My soul is dying. I'm treading water. I need to take a stand. I just don't know where to go to make my stand.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Delayed Reaction
I have my iTunes on random and it is playing an awful lot of rock ballads. It's putting me in a sort of weird mood. Sort of morose with a bit of cockiness.
My blogging has gone down quite a bit lately. I've been trying to get some Freelance writing going, and so most of my writing time has gone towards that and I have been neglecting this blog. That isn't really a great excuse, but top that with me feeling like I've been really busy and suddenly it sort of makes sense.
It hasn't been that I was really busy. There was just too much time being consumed during the day. I really need to sit down tomorrow and set up a new schedule for myself so that I can get things done when they need to get done.
I quit my job with AmeriCorps. I took this last week off to sort of test the waters a little bit and see if I could handle working on my own. I sort of can. I got a fair amount done, but not enough. Though that was largely because Aaron was here and there was much hanging out and drinking to be had. I'd like to point out that I do really enjoy spending time with my friends. I had to avoid people tonight because I had some things to sort out in my head. I still wasn't really sure if I was going to quit my job. I would say that I was about 90 percent sure that I was going to. But, as people who have gone to trivia with me know, when I am that sure of something it usually means I am wrong. I'm not really sure if I made the right move. Technically I put in my two weeks over a month ago, so this wasn't like it was a sudden move. But I have to follow my gut on this one. I have a strange window in time when I might be able to actually lay the groundwork for building a solid writing career and that is all I've ever really wanted so I have to go for it.
Over the last few months I have had a lot of conversations with people about my employment status. For a while there I was talking to anyone that would give me two minutes of time to give my little spiel. Most people thought I should keep the job. I'm not a smart man, but I know how my brain works. If most people agree that something is the right thing for me to be doing I am probably going to do the opposite of what they say. I figured that out a long time ago. I'm surprised more people haven't gotten that yet.
I wish that I could post the story I wrote for what will hopefully be my first paid fiction writing gig. I think I would get in trouble if I put it online though. I have no idea what the place is going to think of it. I want them to like it. I'm not used to writing for an audience that is looking for something more like a decent B-movie. Usually I am writing for an audience of know-it-all undergrads. They often get on my nerves. My writing style is more in the vein of ridiculous and they are always trying to read way too much into it. Sometimes something being ridiculous is the point. Everyone outside of a writing workshop seems to understand that.
I was looking over some old stories that I had on my computer recently. I had forgotten about this but for a while I wanted to do a short story collection of linked short stories. I think I will give that a go again.
My blogging has gone down quite a bit lately. I've been trying to get some Freelance writing going, and so most of my writing time has gone towards that and I have been neglecting this blog. That isn't really a great excuse, but top that with me feeling like I've been really busy and suddenly it sort of makes sense.
It hasn't been that I was really busy. There was just too much time being consumed during the day. I really need to sit down tomorrow and set up a new schedule for myself so that I can get things done when they need to get done.
I quit my job with AmeriCorps. I took this last week off to sort of test the waters a little bit and see if I could handle working on my own. I sort of can. I got a fair amount done, but not enough. Though that was largely because Aaron was here and there was much hanging out and drinking to be had. I'd like to point out that I do really enjoy spending time with my friends. I had to avoid people tonight because I had some things to sort out in my head. I still wasn't really sure if I was going to quit my job. I would say that I was about 90 percent sure that I was going to. But, as people who have gone to trivia with me know, when I am that sure of something it usually means I am wrong. I'm not really sure if I made the right move. Technically I put in my two weeks over a month ago, so this wasn't like it was a sudden move. But I have to follow my gut on this one. I have a strange window in time when I might be able to actually lay the groundwork for building a solid writing career and that is all I've ever really wanted so I have to go for it.
Over the last few months I have had a lot of conversations with people about my employment status. For a while there I was talking to anyone that would give me two minutes of time to give my little spiel. Most people thought I should keep the job. I'm not a smart man, but I know how my brain works. If most people agree that something is the right thing for me to be doing I am probably going to do the opposite of what they say. I figured that out a long time ago. I'm surprised more people haven't gotten that yet.
I wish that I could post the story I wrote for what will hopefully be my first paid fiction writing gig. I think I would get in trouble if I put it online though. I have no idea what the place is going to think of it. I want them to like it. I'm not used to writing for an audience that is looking for something more like a decent B-movie. Usually I am writing for an audience of know-it-all undergrads. They often get on my nerves. My writing style is more in the vein of ridiculous and they are always trying to read way too much into it. Sometimes something being ridiculous is the point. Everyone outside of a writing workshop seems to understand that.
I was looking over some old stories that I had on my computer recently. I had forgotten about this but for a while I wanted to do a short story collection of linked short stories. I think I will give that a go again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)