Commercial Reviews

Watching videos on hulu frequently will make it so that you see the same few commercials over and over again. Recently there has been a video for Verizon that has been showing up a lot.



At first I thought it was sort of funny they used the Big Red song and didn't pay much attention to the rest of it. But every time I see it it bums me out more and more. So the first lady is getting a sculpture made of her and she's checking her phone while she's just sitting there. That is totally fine, sitting around being a model for someone is probably goddamn boring as shit. Plus, the dude sculpting her is wearing a lab coat. Not a smock, a damn lab coat. I sort of wonder if he isn't her doctor and he's going through his artist phase, which would explain why, at the end of the commercial, the finished work looks like it was made by a nine year old. Still, this seems like a good use for an internet phone, killing time while your doctor sculpts you because he said he could score you some Vicodin if you did.

Then it goes to a campground. And what is probably a father who is trying, idiotically, to entertain his three children, who are way more interested in looking at porn on their phone than watching their dad do his Frankenstein impression for the millionth time. Really I don't have a problem with it, except for that I can't shake this idea that it is probably racist. Maybe I'm just racist, so I assume that any time a black person is on TV there is some sort of agenda behind it. But the way he's moving, I just sort of think that his Frankenstein impression includes the phrase "yessa' Masta!" at some point. This might not be correct.

When it goes to the bell boy, though, I start to get pissed. Here is a dude that is supposed to be working and instead he is reading the latest Dave Barry article online, as he looks like such a nerd I can't imagine that he finds anything funny that has been written in the last ten years. Some fat tourist in the background is holding a sign that says "tour," and if I knew how to do a screen capture from youtube I could show you the look on his face if you pause it at 0:11. He seems to be saying "oh, you crazy kids. Fucking assholes with no work ethic. Oh well, I'm gonna get drunk in the hotel bar and hit on my buddies wife in a completely moronic and creepy way." That extra should get his own show, he really knows how to emote with a single expression. Or I read way too much into shit to further my own elaborate agenda. Both of those things might be correct.

The thing that really pisses me off comes right after that. "You'll watch youtube on a horse." Seriously, that may work within the rhyming context of the song but that is possibly the proof I have been searching for that our society is completely unredeemable. I would like to walk you through what that dude must have been thinking, if I may: "my new girlfriend is totally hot, and she thinks I'm a classic romantic. I am going to prove how romantic I can be. I am going to rent a horse, get it to a beach, and then we are going to ride it to a romantic ocean side restaurant where we will drink expensive wine and dine on exotic foods. After that, I will take her back to a beach side hotel room and we will make sweet, sweet love. But aside from that last part where I get to fuck her, that is going to be totally boring. So I'm gonna bring my phone and watch Bill O'Reilly flip out until we get to the boning."

Frankly, though, its the lyrics the song goes out on that really bug me. "Download stupid stuff much better." They say that. They know that getting on the internet on your phone while you are doing social activities is retarded. Every where I go I find people fucking around on the internet on their phones. "I'm at a bar with my friends. Better check my facebook to see if any of my friends have made any status updates!" The mentality seems to be that nothing in the world is as good as fucking around on the internet. I'm of the opinion that people who update their status via a cell phone are way too hooked into social media as it is. But it is one thing to text a message to a blog that says "I am totally drunk and I want to make out with everyone" and quite another thing to be able to sit in a pub and read that status update. It is as though, for some people, it isn't okay to do things. You have to record that you are doing things. I'm not opposed to the internet, but to me phones that allow you to connect to the internet should be treated as flasks. You take a little nip when you need to and you keep it hidden the rest of the time. Chugging down the whole thing and then refilling it over and over and over again seems to indicate that you might have a problem.

The funny thing is that I have a Verizon Envy. It's a great phone for calling and texting and it doesn't call random people when it is in my pocket. It has a good camera on it and the speaker phone is very clear. People don't even know I have them on speaker most of the time. And, yes, it gets on the internet like a pro. I only use the internet on there, though, to check directions or to get other pertinent info, like movie times. Its a handy tool that I could totally live without. Isn't it enough, America, that you can carry something around in your pocket that allows you to call anywhere in the goddamn world? Do you really need to use it to say "no one here is as interesting as my cow in farmville."

We Got Nowhere to Go, We Got Nothing to Do

My sister is getting married next week. I hadn't really thought about it too much. It isn't like its a shock or anything, but its a milestone. Another step on the way to being an adult, one those older siblings start to wed. Next it will be children coming. Hopefully not soon.

I can't tell the difference between optimism and denial anymore. I tell myself that I'm still young and I have a lot of time to work my life out.

My brain is often so dead after returning from work. I don't realize it till I'm on the way home and wonder where I had lunch. I have to stop and really think. Then this vague memory of me eating at some place will start to return. I wonder if that was really today. I wonder, then I realize it was less than five hours ago and I notice that I haven't really allowed any memories to metastasize to my brain while I was in Carson.

Living has become rather hard. No, it has always been rather hard. I've just grown increasingly aware that I am not ready to subject myself to life being that hard. Really it shouldn't be. I don't particularly deserve a better life, but I should at least enjoy the ride.

Getting a girlfriend seems like a pretty good idea. I can't even imagine my life with a significant other in it. Not to say people in my life aren't significant, but I'm not sleeping with any of them. I see my roommate around his girlfriend and I have to stop and think about how strange it might be for me to have so much of my life spent with another person. Perhaps if I really wanted to be around them all the time it wouldn't be all that bad. But I can't remember ever wanting to be around someone all the time. Hell, if I could I would get the fuck away from myself as often as possible.

The light from my light casts a nice silhouette of me whenever I turn. I feel as though I am in a diamond commercial.

Last week I missed everyday of work. Granted it was a four day week, but I was out all four of those days. When I got back I handed my boss a note from my doctor that said "Matt was sick." It didn't say exactly that. She seemed sort of offended "I knew you were sick" she said, passing the note between her hands as though it were three hundred degrees. I should be apologizing for missing a week of work, you shouldn't be feeling guilty that I thought I should try to provide some sort of proof that I wasn't just playing darts at my friends house all week. Which I was.

Blogging Declared Uncool

I've been getting fired up about politics this morning. Republicans saying its going to destroy the world if we give suspected terrorists trials, Colorado Senators proposing legeslation that would allow creationists the ability to opt out of science classes. Fuck, that is just retarded. I sucked at science in high school (still do suck at it) and if I knew I could have just taken some other elective to avoid taking my science classes if I just said I didn't believe in, you know, SCIENCE, then I probably would have. Because I am lazy and don't mind lying to authority figures.

Haven't religious law-makers ever taken five minutes to research what has happened every single time in history that laws have been passed to try to prevent scientific progress? They always lose, and then they end up looking like total morons. Of course if they were smart enough to learn from history they probably wouldn't think that evolution is an affront to God.

I should just ignore it, but goddamn, that shit is crazy.

Maybe I'll try to write a story today. I haven't written a new short story in a while. It seemed like a had a really good idea for a story the other day, too, but I think it is lost in the Maze of Death that is my memory.

They Took The Others

My blogging has tapered off as of late. I apologize, but only to half of my readers. The other half can kiss my ass. I'll leave it up to you to decide which half you are in.

I accidentally hacked Tanner's password tonight. I could probably get into many of his internet accounts right now. I won't, but I could.

Life has been hard lately. Just in the last week have I rediscovered that I am ready to start trying to live the life I want instead of waiting for it to just happen. I was hopeless there for a while, but I think that I have found relief.

Right now I am too distracted to post one of my traditional long, rambly posts. I am in better spirits these days, but I am not content. I am looking for something better than what I have, and I hope that I will find it soon.

Caution: Magnetic

I think that I figured out exactly what job I want. I made up a job description in my head the other night and started looking for something that suited that description. I didn't think I would find anything, until I realized that I wasn't giving myself enough credit. The job description, essentially, was to find a job with incredibly flexible hours, one that I could work from home, and one that utilized some skill I had that other people don't necessarily have or would at least be willing to pay someone else to do. Since I'm not a handy man I figured that I was boned. But it turns out that there are a shit ton of freelance writing jobs out there, and I aim to get me somes.

I wasn't thinking of writing as a skill, but it totally is. I just take it for granted. I know that many of my blogs would serve as proof that I don't have much skill in writing, but you have to remember that very often when I come here I am either depressed, distracted, or drunk. There might even be other "D's" to throw into the mix (disturbed? disconnected? discontent? dumb? D.J. Wicky Wick?) Point being that what you read here may not represent my best writing. Which is fine, this is a personal blog and it is what it is, there isn't any reason for me to put enormous effort into every single post.

Freelance would work well for me. Give me a little direction and I can get shit done on time and it will be pretty decent. Plus I can do it without having to worry about just up and quiting my job. Honestly if I diverted an hour a night to working on other projects instead of watching tv or reading I could probably get a lot of shit done.

Wed-da Sci-Non Ext-ga(!) is hopefully happening again this week. I'll grant that I have been very inconsistent with it, and I apologize. Not that anyone really cares, but, fuck it, I liked having Wednesday's be my theoretical science days, even though there weren't many of them. I just run out of time to really research and find stuff that fits the profile. Not that there isn't a lot out there, I am still quite convinced that we are living in a sci-fi novel.