Wow. Sometimes I really don't have much to start one of these things out. I've tried like eight different things to start out on. Nothing seems quite right. Perhaps it is an indication that I really don't have anything interesting to say. But it is a blog and saying something interesting has never been a neccesity.
"Dear Hearts, the Coffee House is the citizen's academy, where he learns more Wit than ever his Grannum taught him." The Men's Answer to the Women's Petition against Coffee. London, 1674.
I'm having some coffee right now. There are some pictures of spiderwebs made by spiders on LSD and ones who were given caffine and the LSD is fucking perfectly semetrical and the caffine looks like a crack addict made it. 80% of people drink caffine every single day. Learning is fun!
Still, I feel the weirdness of the caffine in my system. First I get all tired then I get sort of out of it and things become harder to understand. This is only if I have a lot of coffee all at once, as I did tonight because I made a pot to break in my new mug. Yes, that is the level of excitment in this apartment right now. Breaking in the new coffee mug. And watching old movies. Well, not that old. Point Break and Children of the Corn. Not very old at all, really.
I mentioned a couple of girls last time I was on here. Nothings really happened with either of them. Actually, to be perfectly honest, nothing at all's happened with either of them. I haven't spoken to either since last I was on here and before that actually. Though I suppose something has happened with both of them, just nothing that involves me. At least not directly. I think that may be a good thing in its way. The more I think about it, the girl in Reno and I probably don't have much of a future, sad as I am to admit it. And the girl here is just a mess and I'm completely into the idea of never having to deal with her again. The thing is with the Reno girl I have a connection, we have a connection, but it just seems like maybe I was wrong in assuming it was going to go somewhere. But I guess I assumed a level of commitment from her before I even left which was sort of unfair of me. Since I told her I wanted to be with her. And we sort of agreed to wait and see what happened. But I feel like I was probably already since I've been here just a few phone calls and another date or two from falling into a bad relationship, and she can't seem to stay out of bad relationships for more than a couple of weeks. The fact that she hasn't called me back or answered my emails gives me pause and makes me wonder if she already found someone else and either doesn't think its any of my business or is afraid of telling me. Either way it doesn't bode well for me.
That's good in a way, since I did want to leave and try to start over fresh somewhere else. I've just kind of got to get her out of my system and then move on. Its a challenge, but I can't go my whole life waiting for a girl to say she's ready to be with me, I've done that before and it didn't end well. Ever. So maybe this is the final wake up call I'll need. I can do pretty well on my own, but I can't handle life completely without some companionship. And friends help with that part of my life but I think sometimes I need more. Not to mention that I've almost completely fallen out of contact with most people over the past couple of years. Its hard for me to stay in contact, mostly because I get so caught up in whatever I'm doing that I sort of let my inner life take over for most of the rest of my life. I've never been very good at taking initiative when it came to keeping in touch with people. Sure, I'd probably show up to do something if someone invited me, but I never asked other people to do stuff with me. Mostly because I was never doing much more than watching tv and movies and reading. But really I've just always liked being by myself, I think its because I don't want to be dependant on anyone else. Its not really the best way to live, but its just how I was brought up and I can't seem to break the cycle.
Buddhists are like that. They like solitude and independance and the ability to be able to take care of their mind and bodies without help. I think its to get better in touch with the zen of the world. Although I sort of think Buddhism is crap. Not the theory of it, but how can you create an organization around an idea like zen? How is that different from any other religion that tells you that if you follow a certain path you will receive (x,y,z)? Its like they were dissatisfied with organized religion and sought a different way and ended up at organization again. I guess people can't really help it. We're social and we have to create social groups to belong to. I think thats why I wonder about myself so much, since I don't really have that same desire to be part of a group. I like people, I like being around other people, but if it starts to feel too much like I'm in a group I tend to shy away from it, even when part of me wants to be an accepted member of the group.
I don't know. I could continue down this path of self-analysing what makes me dislike groups for hours. But then someone would probably find this blog and be like "yeah! I hate groups too! Lets form a club to protest groups! I'll get everyone together for the big meeting!" So I'll just let it be a sort of mystery for a while longer.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
The appeal of Buddism, I believe, is the feel of spirituality without any responsibility. You don't have to follow God (if you think of him at all) or rules or even rough guidelines. Your meditation is a personal thing, where you try to think about nothing. Not prayer to God or your Savior, just trying to drift. You can hide any dogmatic flaws with vague new-aged hooplah. No one can keep you accountable. And you expect people to leave you alone about it (and all other spiritual discussion), because Buddism is a personal journey.
That's how I see it, anyway. Kinda a selfish business, if you ask me.
The thing with Buddhism is that it is about following the path others (starting with Buddah) followed to gain enlightenment. The problem with it being a set of ideas to follow is that it takes out the idea of a personal journey in many ways. My point is you don't have to follow it to get enlightenment, and from my perspective enlightenment isn't something you can just follow others to find.
But in the end, is it any more selfish than any other religion? Buddhists work to bring peace in this world and want everyone to understand the world they do. Western religions attempt to bring peace by a promise of eternal happiness in death if others follow them and try to do good on the earth before they die. Buddists don't believe in an afterlife instead of leading a good personal life here on earth they try to bring about the greatest possibe good for everyone before they die because thats all they have a chance to do. Of course they do believe in reincarnation, so its also important for them to do good to come back as something good instead of something bad.
But I don't think its fair to call it selfish. Really the biggest difference in the approaches is that Christians have more of a need within their religion to convert other people. They still believe that everything that you do is part of a plan to get themselves into an everlasting paradise. I suppose you could say that Christians are the people who are standing in line all the time trying to get into the exclusive nightclub while Buddists and such are sitting across the street playing music and dancing and not acknowledging the nightclub at all. Neither side is being that selfish in their approach, its just that some people don't give a shit about the club.
I can't speak for religion, but I can speak about the Bible. Christians don't get saved by doing good works.
"For by grace you are saved through faith: and that not of yourselves, for it is the gift of God. Not of works, that no man may glory." - Ephesians 2:8-9
Basically we can't get into God's good graces by doing good things. Attempting to barter with God about salvation is a huge step in the wrong direction. After all, what can you or I or anyone offer the creator of everything? In truth, salvation is a gift, and a free one at that. But it's hard to accept a gift if you're holding on to what you already have.
At first I thought like you did, that Christians had a need to convert others because they needed to prove their superiority. But now I know that Christians want to lead their friends to Christ because its the single greatest love they've ever known. Me included.
I'm praying for ya, Matt.
I never said they need to convert people to prove their superiority, in fact I didn't give a reason why they want to convert people.
The point I was making was that in order to get into heaven you have to be moral, and in order to be moral you have to do good and convert people and make sure they are doing good in the world. And essentially all religions feel this urge to convert others, at least all organized religions.
But it is selfish of any religion to think that they have the answer to other peoples problems.
you don't have to be moral to get into heaven. you just have to accept jesus. i'm pretty sure thats what cheb just said... although i'm pretty sure that most christians probably consider good deeds to be a big part of leading a christian life.
i think though cheb that if you want people to respect your beliefs, then you might start by respecting the beliefs of others. dismissing one of the oldest religions on the planet as new-age hooplah is pretty disrespectful.
Yeah, I guess our right about that accepting jesus thing. I had kind of forgotten about that 'died for your sins' thing. But there are still unforgivable things that require you to be moral to a least a basic degree.
i don't know... i don't think so... then again... i don't know
One of the awesome things about grace is that nothing is unforgivable, with one exception. Jesus did basically say that if you think the Holy Spirit comes from the devil, then you're screwed. Which basically means that you think God and Satan are on the same team, which means you don't think much of God anyway. Or something. I wouldn't worry about it much.
And by new-aged hooplah, I meant walking around theological holes using generalized terms, so you sound like you're answering the question but you're really not. Like most politicians when asked a tough policy question.
To be more specific I was thinking of the Catholic ideology about suicide and whatever else that they say are sins that you can't repent for (for suicide I guess its obvious why you can't repent). Suicide is the only one I can think of now, but I'm pretty sure there are some others in Catholocism that they won't forgive you for.
There's a wide divide between what God forgives you for and what people do.
Saul persecuted Christians and was an accessory to murder, but he became the greatest missionary there ever was. The woman by the well slept around, as did the adulterous woman the Pharisees brought before him (of cast the first stone fame). The thief on the cross was told "Today you will be with me in paradise."
Saul is such a cool name. Way cooler than Paul (sorry Paul, its just that there are a lot of Paul's in america and I don't think I've ever met a Saul, of course there are way more Matt's. Stupid common name). I've said Saul and Paul like fifteen times in my head right now so both words are losing all meaning.
JJ here.
Yeah, that happens to me too when I say the same word over and over again in my head. It makes me wonder how meaning was ever attached to it.
It's good to hear that you're doing decent.
Post a Comment