Things were looking up there for a while for me. Then everything went to shit. Which proves a theory I was so desperately trying to disprove. The theory: Never try for anything because achieving it will make you feel only marginally better then if you had just never tried at all and gotten nothing out of it. Wanting something means you might not get it, not wanting anything means you already have it. If you get it in the end you are really no better off then if you just didn't want it in the first place.
Fucking Buddhists, this is their goddamn philosophy. I can't really blame them for coming up with it so long ago and me only now coming to a point where I only sort of kind of understand it. But I'm going to anyway.
Life seems like it should be all about chasing your passions, but at the end of the day it seems like it is really only about accepting how badly life is going to screw you if you dare to take a chance on anything.
I just wish I knew who the hell I was supposed to be. Obviously everything I've tried so far hasn't worked out.
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