And So the Battle Begins

The other night I challenged Cheb to a mighty battle. A battle of wits. A battle of words. A battle of the blogs.

It isn't really much of a battle, though. Cheb and I have been the only ones this year to even sort of keep up with our blogs. We are pretty close in overall posts for the year and so I figured that it was a good chance to see who can out blog whom. I thought of making it a battle of who could get the most comments come the end of the year, but then I realized that hardly anyone ever checks these things anymore.

This might be a boring battle. But I love blogging. I write a lot more than I post up here as much of it will end up in my personal journal, but it is a nice way to relieve stress and get some of my thoughts out into the world even if most people aren't really paying attention. My hope is that it will be a battle to be remembered, with lots of snide comments about how I am going to kick Chebs ass.

I started with a bit of a handicap, being behind in the count overall. And next week I may not have much internet access, but I should be able to find an internet cafe somewhere that I can use to quite thoroughly trounce cheb in this competition.

And to make sure that this blog counts, I will now ramble on for a few minutes about a few other things I've been thinking about...

Things are looking somewhat up for me right now. I am a little worried that about the AmeriCorp job that I am getting myself into. Mostly because I am not sure how well I am going to handle going from waking up at the crack of noon and watching tv for a few hours before taking a nap all the way to having to be at work at eight five days a week. I've worked some day shifts before, not for very long, usually only one or two days out of the week. I've always been a graveyard/swing shifter. Mostly that was because of school, but since I haven't really done anything since I left school I haven't ever had to get used to a common schedule like the rest of the world has (also, I am proud of myself, because for what is possibly the first time ever, in my life, I spelled the word "schedule" correctly on my first try. Usually I spell it "scheduel" or "schedual" and then have to go back and fix it, realizing that I am once again making a stupid ass mistake. But not this time, boy howdy!)

The biggest problem with my AmeriCorp position is that, although I signed on to work on behalf of the elderly, I wasn't fully away that the average age of most of the people working there was in the elderly range as well. There is some woman I haven't met yet that is probably pretty close to my age. And she is sort of cute in a bookish/nerdy/probably really into anime sort of way. I said hello to her when I went in to get some stuff yesterday and she sort of started a sentence and I sort of said something and then we got interrupted and it was really freaking awkward and I didn't say another word to her for the hour I was there. Still, really freaking awkward isn't the worst way to start off a relationship. When she sees me again when I official start and we are able to speak coherent sentences to one another it will be a relief to both of us and will, in some abstract way, bond us as united workers. Then we'll see how it goes from there. I have a bad feeling that it won't go anywhere, as it usually works out that the girl I notice on the first day (or the pre-first day, as it were) is married or something crazy like that. I sort of hope that I can at least befriend her, as it would be nice to have someone to chat with that isn't twice my age, as nice as the other people are. Of course, my main interests in this period of unemployment have been Law and Order, Dexter, Monk, Castle, 30 Rock, The Office, etc. In fact, there are a ridiculous amount of shows that I have seen most of the episodes for. And older people like TV, or so I have been told, so I should have plenty to talk about. I'm going to try to make some of the other AmeriCorp people read "The Milagro Beanfield War" by John Nicols (which you can apparently read in its entirity here) The reason for this is because it is the only book I've ever read that had a character that was currently serving in AmeriCorp, and he is a sad, irrelevant human. Maybe I won't open with asking them to read it.

Anyway, things are sort of looking up. Maybe I'm just feeling optimistic, but I honestly think that I am finally going to be able to get back to my life. I was thinking that I used to care really strongly about having a job where I could help people and prove my worth. I haven't really thought that so much lately. I mean, I've said it plenty, but I haven't really felt it. Its funny, I was in college thinking that how passionate I was about everything was going to stay the same for the rest of my life. But just a couple years later and I've already let the world take me down a few notches. Beat me down a few notches. Just beat and smother and kick and scratch and bite and punk me down a few notches. To be fair, though, I sort of had it coming.

I was reading this thing online the other day that was talking about how too much self-esteem or too much praised heaped onto a child has a very negative impact on them later in life. They feel entitled to everything, they feel the world owes them something and that they shouldn't have to work for anything. I don't know if that was my problem. I mean, I've never had very good self-esteem, not at all. I can't think of a time when I felt like I was king of the shit pile. Though I may have acted like it from time to time anyway. And I try to remember getting praised a lot, of course I can't remember because most of my memories of childhood are hazy pot and booze stained pictures that don't make a lot of sense. Which is strange, because I didn't start doing any pot or drinking till I was almost out of high school. Still, I either blocked it out or it was so uneventful that I just can't see it anymore. But there wasn't that much praise there. My mom was fairly supportive, but she didn't really spend much time going over anything with me. My dad was helpful with school projects and what not, but I don't recall him heaping praise on me. Actually, I sort of remember the opposite of that.

I brought that up since I was thinking maybe that was the reason why I never got my shit together, but I don't think that really has much to do with it. I mean, I know why I haven't gotten my shit together for the most part and that is because I just haven't been forced to. Not really, since I was always able to get money when I needed it. Not having to work my ass off and stick to a budget constantly has allowed me to be a little more free form in the way I approach the world. Which is probably why, though I had many grand plans to do this or that, I never could really accomplish a big dream. I need some time at the bottom. I thought that I had spent enough time in security and food service to warrant at least a crappy office job, and that, after a couple of years of scrounging around for it I did find that. But its not really crappy, it just pays very little, which is better for me, as I'd rather have a job I like and at least as the potential to boost a career for myself than start off making a lot of money in a job that would never go anywhere.

That is all for now as I am going to sit around and eat and probably watch Dexter with JJ for a while.

BLOG COUNT:
(as of this blogs posting time)

Mor - 23
Cheb - 28

Go Mor!