Friday, December 18, 2009

You are Damn right your Dad Drank it.

There, are you happy blog? I just erased an entire post because it was mindless gibberish. That's right, you win. Good for you, you surely have brought me to me knees. Except for that I have millions of words of mindless gibberish and the internet is a big place my friend.

You haven't been all that cool to me lately. Making me come on here and check my stats against Cheb and making me all like "I need to post something right now even though I have no idea what the hell to talk about." You fucker, I should kick your ass. And I would, if you were not just a computer program. Unless I'm in a computer program, like the Matrix, and I could totally just reprogram you into some sort of Agent and then kick the crap out of you with my mighty Kung Fu.

I wonder, and maybe you know this blog, if the Agents could have materialized out of forms that weren't human. I mean, they can take over any human, but why not a cat? I mean, think about seeing a cat turn into a human with sunglasses, a cheap black suit, and a scowl. That would be totally freaky. And awesome. If that were the case, though, the movies would have been way too impossible for the heros. They would have been all like "I'll just walk into this room to go to the exit and HOLY SHIT there is a motherfucking CAT in here! Run, motherfuckers, run!" Only all the emotion that was contained in that sentence would have been more deadpan and blank faced.

Honestly, blog, I don't know how you deal with all those fucking crazy ass agents running around.

I'm not really mad at you blog, you have been the forum for many of my rants and ramblings. I think I even had a post once called Rants and Ramblings or something like that. I don't know. I can barely remember what I posted up here a couple hours ago. But you can remember, can't you blog? You are like a backup for my memory. I just put shit here and you keep track of it and organize it by month. You are quite a nice friend to have. I wish I could have you follow me around. I could just tell you stuff and you would remember all of it and relate it back to me later if I felt I needed the information. What'd be great is if someone upped your intelligence, blog, they could make it like that little annoying ass paper clip "I see that you are blogging about robotic monkeys and ice cream again, when last you spoke on the topic you came to the conclusion that Chocolate ice cream would one day rise up and fight the monkeys. Is this of any help to your blogging now? []Yes [X]No."

Although I suppose if you came to life and followed me around it could be slightly annoying. I'll make what I think is an original and hilariously witty comment and you would say, like the annoying brat that follows me around everywhere, "I heard you say that before, back in March of '09. No one laughed then either." That is when I would tell you to shut your cake hole, you damn stupid bastard. And you would tell me, "Last time you told me to shut my cake hole I told you that last time you told me to shut my cake hole I asked if you were baking a cake. Is this of any help to your conversation now? []Yes []No [X]God how I hate you."

Actually the more I think about it, having little action boxes come up in real life would be handy. Like if someone you didn't want to talk to came up to you, you could just hit the ignore button. Or if the conversation was quite interesting it would say "Would you like to know more?" On the other hand, having to deal with pop ups in real life wouldn't be pleasant. We'd have to hire body guards to punch people who tried to throw pop ups at us. And although I can't think of a specific example, I am fairly confident I saw that in a commercial once.

Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, Paul hasn't called yet. I was mostly blogging to kill time before Paul called and then I was going to leave and do some drinking or something to that effect. I shouldn't be surprised, as Paul is always late for everything. He has, this time, cost Cheb another point, though. As if he had called I would have stopped blogging and left. Now I am going to post it and there isn't a goddamn thing anyone can do about it.

"It looks like you are complaining about Paul being late for something. You have complained about Paul being late for something 387 times in the last fourteen blog postings. Was this information helpful to you? [X]Yes []No."

1 comment:

concerned friend said...

turn your phone on asshole